i think it’s really simple… we don’t gather in order to accomplish things together… not in the real world, solving real problems… men become friends when they solve problems and build things together… think barn building among the Amish… and we basically can only drop the competitive thing if we’re trying to work together, but then we get right to work… and that’s our normal socialization… when we see one another, we immediately like to reminisce about something we fixed or conquered together… back in my grandfather’s day, they spent free time at the men’s social club, to brag about exactly that and drink and play cards all evening… we haven’t figured out how to replace that stuff… so we’re all just adversaries all the time, learning how to get better at combat and shit…