Being nice doesn’t save lives. I spent a pretty crummy Monday because I received a letter from the welfare office and they want to meet me next week, and it pulled me into a spiral. I’m doing better now, I think.
But anyway. It got me rethinking some stuff and listen comrades, don’t let people be incompetent just because they’re “nice” or friendly. Being friendly doesn’t save lives. I used to be like that too when I was unsure of my skills or didn’t have experience. I thought being nice and friendly with other people would make up for it. It doesn’t. Everybody knows you’re a fraud, you know you’re a fraud, and you hope they won’t say anything about you being a fraud because at least you get along well.
I’m done making excuses for others tbh. My hematologist may be “friendly” but if she can’t help me she can’t help me. It’s not my job to make excuses for her i.e. “I’m sure she’s trying her best” or “at least she answers my calls”. The current situation is that she and that shithole hospital can’t answer my needs and I need to advocate for myself. You need to advocate for yourself too. If someone seems like they’re trying to pull you into some bullshit just say no, get up and leave. I’m done with frauds and other sweet talkers. And I’m done being nice to cover up for people who refuse to help. I don’t owe them anything.
Everyone is just trying to save their skin by shuffling problems around to other departments so they never have to take any responsibility for it. Almost everything in my current situation is provided or owned by the state - the hospital, the welfare office, and the unemployment office I will have to register for probably. And everyone just wants to shift you around so you’re not their problem but someone else’s. The hospital doesn’t want to write a certificate because what if they get audited and have to justify it. The welfare office doesn’t want to accomodate to your disability needs without a certificate because what if they get audited.
I also need to stop minimizing my symptoms and be clear about how debilitating they are. I think I got better at this. But this means stopping being “nice”. But being nice doesn’t save lives, competence does.
EDIT: you should be both nice and competent if you can! But if I have to choose, I’m choosing competence over friendliness. Nobody likes an asshole but sometimes you have to be one, and sometimes you’d rather have one on your side because at least they know what they’re doing.
This is a good post. Fuck incompetent “nice” people. Its also common for them to be drawn into the public sector. Its like the “those who cant do, teach” thing. “Those too incompetent for the corporate world, go into public sector and keep their job by kissing asses.”
my recent experiences with this issue
My elderly in-laws are dealing with some bull shit and they had to get a lawyer through legal aid. The lawyer was “nice” to my in-laws but constantly refused to do as directed because of pity for the abuser my in-laws were seeking protection from.
The lawyer should have just listened to my in-laws, my partner and myself, when we said the other party was abusive and emotionally manipulative. Instead the lawyer tried to be nice and that lead to my in-laws spending some of the last years of their lives stressed out of their minds. The lawyers “kindness” forced my in-laws into compromise after compromise where they got no assurances and having to go in to court in the city over and over and while their abuser made slanderous accusations in court filings.
And because my in-laws want to be “nice” they just let this hack quit without reporting the misconduct. so The lawyer will likely go on to ruin some other elderly peoples lives by being nice. Then when it became apparent everything the lawyer did was making things worse they quit leaving my in-laws in the lurch.
I hope you manage to bully your way through the system to get the help you need.
honestly my litmus test now is do they understand the problem I’m facing right away and do I get off vibes. I’ve also associated professionally with bullshitters and you think well at least they’re nice so it can’t be that bad! But they’re incompetent. They can barely do anything. Now if you want my involvement you have to earn it, I’m gonna stop giving it out so freely and focus on myself too. In terms of health there’s doctors that easily make certificates, like they barely ask anything. Apparently they’re pretty well-known. If all fails I’m going to them lol.