This is me with mormonism. I never truly believed. The Bible and the bom were just stories to me. I tried, I really, really wanted to believe in it, to feel that “holy spirit” everyone was talking about, but I simply wasn’t convinced. Everyone around me claimed to believe though, people that I trusted, so I thought that maybe I could fake it till I make it and it would eventually just “click”. It never happened, and by my mid-teens I finally reached the point where I didn’t even want to believe anymore. So, yeah, I’m also atheist now.