I know this isn’t a professional space and I am seeing a therapist (for many things, this included) but I know you’ve helped me in the past so I might as well shoot again.

I am so plagued with anxiety about my partner, she’s done nothing wrong really but is getting impatient because of my seeming lack of trust and attachment and its very distressing for both of us.

I’ve kicked hard drug addiction and heavy suicidality but this attachment seriously won’t go away. I exercise, meditate, drink water and have started taking my meds again. It can help but I still find myself genuinely tweaking any time there’s anything that doesn’t add up 1000% yk?

Worse I’m going to Texas for a week soon and she cannot come so we’re going to be separated. I am very scared for my reaction. Might be a self-fulfilling prophecy but I just fear where the anxious mind can go.

I’ve identified that I have a anxious attachment style and that this is insecurity but just cannot beat it. It’s weird too because it’s not like I don’t have other connections or things I’m passionate about in my life, I’m a fucking organized communist. Even if she left me I am an in shape intelligent activist like I’m not going to die but even knowing that I’m still absolutely geeking. Does anyone get this or understand and how do you fix it

  • TeezyZeezy@lemmygrad.mlOP
    0·
    6 months ago

    I like this, thank you. That does help, framing it as the enemy of my past experiences and just brain chemistry.

    I went to the gym a few hours ago and just got back. It’s a little better now. I kind of annoyed my partner again because of the state I was in before I went and she was getting ready for work. Gotta talk to her tonight.

    I’m getting increasingly sour about this whole situation though, I fear. She isn’t being the most understanding (which I guess I get but still, I’m asking her to have patience while I work on it and she still calls me dramatic) and so I find myself sometimes questioning our relationship entirely. I know that’s not what I actually want but y’know. I also just am looking at it from my entire life standpoint, it’s been over a decade of this shit. Shit being mental health crises. Heavy anxiety to be replaced with extreme MDD and suicidality, to be replaced with hard drug addiction, and now that I got the two lethal beasts dealt with (MDD and addiction) I’m back to this fucking constant distress. It’s not fair lmao