I think every generation just tries to do better than the previous one. I don’t know if I really got in trouble for my “big feelings” growing up, but I was often made to feel like my emotions were silly or too strong for a given situation. It got to the point where when something genuinely bad happens I almost revel in it, like I crave authenticity so much that I look forward to “legitimate” pain.
So I try to keep that in mind. When one of my kids cries about something silly, we have a discussion about whether it’s a big thing or a little thing. Sometimes I’m strategically dismissive, because they need to have a little thick skin, but if that doesn’t work then we go into feeling sharing mode.
Then we make a distinction between what we’re feeling (which is always legitimate, no matter what), and what we do about it. They can still get in trouble for bad behavior, but then we try to give them the language to express their emotions in a healthy way.
And if it’s just a genuine emotional breakdown, whatever the cause, I remember back to when I did that as a kid and was met with a cold response, and I stop what I’m doing and hold them until they feel better.
Not really a tangent. This stuff is important.
I think every generation just tries to do better than the previous one. I don’t know if I really got in trouble for my “big feelings” growing up, but I was often made to feel like my emotions were silly or too strong for a given situation. It got to the point where when something genuinely bad happens I almost revel in it, like I crave authenticity so much that I look forward to “legitimate” pain.
So I try to keep that in mind. When one of my kids cries about something silly, we have a discussion about whether it’s a big thing or a little thing. Sometimes I’m strategically dismissive, because they need to have a little thick skin, but if that doesn’t work then we go into feeling sharing mode.
Then we make a distinction between what we’re feeling (which is always legitimate, no matter what), and what we do about it. They can still get in trouble for bad behavior, but then we try to give them the language to express their emotions in a healthy way.
And if it’s just a genuine emotional breakdown, whatever the cause, I remember back to when I did that as a kid and was met with a cold response, and I stop what I’m doing and hold them until they feel better.