I’m really confused about this. On one hand (✋), I can see how dating an autistic person would be amazing because we would just understand each other on another level. We would get each other’s emotions, meltdowns, joy, special interests, hyperfocus, communication style, etc. Also, there’s no NT partner to miss whatever NT thing we don’t bring to the relationship.

On the other hand (🤚), we definitely have some deficiencies that NTs don’t. Having an NT can help us regulate, keep us updated on social matters that we completely miss, take care of a baby that’s wailing crying, and other strengths that we just don’t have, while at the same time, we contribute with our own strengths that they don’t have.

NTs, please feel free to contribute! Your opinion and experiences are important too 🙂

I’d love to see a discussion on this topic. So what do you think?

  • quinacridone@lemmy.mlEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    I met my bf before I even suspected (and eventually diagnosed) as autistic. Now, he is likely to also be on the spectrum and a third party who has some expertise in this also agrees. I was attracted to him because he’s kind and gentle and patient (also physically attractive too) and didn’t fit into a ‘bloke’ stereotype (he’s very emotional and not afraid to show this)

    I was attracted to him because he was happy being himself.

    I think i have an autistic radar where I’ll make friendships with other neurodiverse people, because I feel more comfortable with ‘my people’

    Now personality and spectrum wise we are dissimilar, I’m more logical and spock-like and crap at communicating (I’d probably be happy being semi verbal for the rest of my life), he’s all emotional, and talks and can handle people better.

    Sensory wise I don’t like hugs, noises, the sun, fairground rides, I love perfumes and smells…he loves hugs, hates smells, loves sitting out in the sun really loves fairground rides…you get the idea

    Our autism presents very differently and I struggle dealing with him at times and he does with me…I didn’t consciously think I want to have an autistic partner in life, we clash often, but we also come together and can stragegise our way through difficult people and situations using both our strengths

    He pushes me (not in a bad way) to step outside my comfort zone so I do get to experience more things in life, and I do enjoy the fact that he can be very silly, and do odd things that make me laugh

    I don’t think any relationship is easy, and a double autistic or NT/autistic and NT/NT relationships all have their unique issues and difficulties. I just think that having someone who loves and cares for you, not matter how stressed/meltdowned/shutdowned you are, and is patient enough not to be angry or demanding, or controlling, and just cares for you despite your own weird brain acting the way it does…

    Apologies for any word salad, and a wordy comment 😀