I’m 35, I do okay. I mumble when I’m shy, and when I’m not into it, i.e. the pleasantries over the counter in a shop. I had the ‘you talk like a robot’ comments all through school. I know I speak a certain way and I’m mostly okay with it.
I bought a coffee this morning before getting the train into work. I did my usual awkward mumbling, I ordered the flat white with all the elocution I could muster so as to avoid repeating myself - I hate repeating myself - but the rest was mumbled and just audible enough for them to know that I asked to pay by card and that I was thanking them as I left.
There were two clerks, a small independent shop. The male clerk, upon me saying thanks and turning to walk to the door, gave an exaggerated mumble, which made the girl working with him laugh. I ignored it and left, but afterwards it really griped on me.
The only way to communicate with the establishment is by instagram, so I set up an account and messaged the business account (they own 3 shops in my local area). The person followed it up; naturally the pair working there said that it never happened. The owner has invited me back tomorrow, when he will be working with the male clerk, to receive an apology. I don’t think I want to go. Should I go? I’m not sure what outcome I wanted, I think I just wanted to speak out about it.
I appreciate that the quiet hours in the shop are boring, and they need to make their own entertainment, but he could have just waited for me to leave the shop before he made his joke - although I do understand that to impress the girl it must done to me brazenly, for the shock factor required to make such a witless joke funny.
I’m not quite sure why this has aggravated me so much today, but it has. I can normally roll my eyes at this kind of stuff or laugh it off, but it really wound me up. Maybe because I am a paying customer and expect that in engaging in this process I am not going to encounter this kind of playground mentality.
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I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you. If it was me, I don’t think I could face them. I would love to think that I’d respond saying I’ll never go back, even for an apology, but that alone might be too much.
Let us know what you decide to do! No wrong move here and you owe the owner nothing.
Thank you. You are right I don’t owe them anything. I kind of want to go confront the guy, but I don’t see what good it would do.
I wouldn’t go if I were you. Someone else is controlling the narrative and it sounds like an uncomfortable situation to be in with no gain at all. I’d tell the person suggesting it “thanks but no thanks.”
Idk. If you only wanted to speak out about it and not get a forced apology then I wouldn’t go. You could message the manager and let them know you didn’t want an apology but just wanted to say something about it and that it was upsetting and just letting them know was enough for you.
I would go with this. If it were me, going along would give me more anxiety. Like being called in to the manager’s office so a coworker can apologize to me for something that happened. Somehow you’re still a victim at that point.
That analogy happened to me IRL and it was not pleasant.
I think your instincts are correct; you shouldn’t go to this meeting; it will just cause the clerk to resent you every time he sees you. I work at a school, and just went through some mandatory anti-bullying training. It said the teacher SHOULD NOT call out the bully publicly, or force the bully to apologize, or insist that the victim accept an apology. All these things just aggravate the situation. Quietly putting the bully into counseling, and separating the bully from victim is the recommended procedure. That is not possible at a coffee shop! Maybe, if you are willing, the next time you go in you could just behave as if nothing had happened. I’ll admit that I would find another coffee place.
Not autistic. My perspective: I’d simply skip going to this particular coffee shop, tbh.
Young people are often cunts. They think being snide or sarcastic makes them cool or appear smart. Often because they’re still very self-involved and lack life experience. It’s just bullying and nasty. You don’t deserve that. You especially don’t deserve it as a customer. Very stupid.
If you want write a short review on google. “Autistic so I sometimes mumble. Made fun of in this coffee shop. Didn’t feel welcome. Won’t be returning.”
Just as a warning for other customers. Not just people who are autistic, but if you’re having a shit day, have social anxiety, English isn’t your native language, you’re going through shit, have a back ache, or are simply very tired, you don’t want to made to feel like shit when ordering a coffee. Especially if you’ve just woken up.
Thanks. I did leave a short google review, nothing hostile or anything, just a short statement to let others know it can happen.
