I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.
So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex’s yt channel and watched every single thing on there.
Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.
Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.
This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.
How do I fix this or make it upto her???
Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.
TBH if this is being caused by just videos of you and your ex doing harmless things, it sounds like she’s not really ready for an adult relationship and needs to talk to a professional to handle it possibly.
The youtube videos were just romantic stuff mostly, the video she found on my laptop was of a more adult nature. I know she can be insecure bout my last repationship, but I think I’d react similarly if I was in her situation.
She literally went to try find something from an ex relationship abd then got upset she found it. You made that at the time you were with the person - I know my wife has a diary that discusses her exes when she was with them, and there is no way in hell im going to look into it.
You’re in your second relationship so I’ll fill you in on a detail from the outside - this isn’t normal relationship behavior.
but I think I’d react similarly if I was in her situation.
That’s worse. You understand that’s worse, right?
I think the point was that her initial reaction to the YouTube videos was not appropriate to the nature of the videos.
- She stalker your ex online because she’s feeling insecure and wanted to compare her to herself
- She watched them all even though it was causing her discomfort
- She gave you the cold shoulder because of harmless videos with your ex. Is she expecting you to not have a life before her?
She was.looking for a reason to feel bad and she found it. That’s not your fault OP. Your gf is very insecure and it has nothing to do with you, you’re just the scapegoat. It seems like she’s not ready for a serious relationship, and you may not be either, OP. There’s no “making it up to her”. Based on the very little bit of information present in this thread (take what I’m saying with a grain of salt because I may very well be 100%) it seems like y’all might have some codependency issues
Hol up. You have porn of you and your ex, and you’re wondering why your current gf is mad?
I have fucking terabytes, literally, of data. Backups from this phone or the previous, or this laptop or the next, just tons of data, on this drive or another or stuck in a personal S3 storage. Yeah I’ll delete them if I find them but I’m not about to fucking put effort into it. It’s all encrypted, even if it’s found it can’t be opened without explicit permission and action even by the best security engineers in the world, but that doesn’t mean I give a shit about making sure it’s deleted.
When you change partners you tend to remember things like having porn of you backed up on your NAS out of respect. But go on with yourself. Also, https://xkcd.com/538/
If she can’t accept that people have relationships with others, she’s mental
I wouldnt wanna see my partners sex tape either! I dont think shes wrong to feel this way.
Then why would she go looking for a video if someone that she knows will hurt her? Sex tape or not, she tried to find things from your old relationship and guess what - people who are dating fuck.
It’s all the stuff before that they are refering to.
But still having that video is a major fuck up especially given everything else you’ve said. It basically confirms everything they were worried about I’m afraid.
Confirms what exactly? That the person they knew was in a prior relationship was in a prior relationship? That they had sex?
Not like I’d want to watch an old video of my SO having sex with their ex but I’m not going to pretend they were a virgin unless they said they were either. Unsurprisingly, a person’s life didn’t revolve around a person they hadn’t yet known.
Keeping a sex tape of your ex isn’t a good look generally.
OP also says their partner was worried as the previous relationship ended because OP moved not because the relationship went bad.
This to me implies they are worried OP still loves their ex and keeping a sex tape could reinforce that idea.
Current partner going thru your stuff is a worse look tho
That depends really. OP said they were on there with permission.
Also not everyone cares about that.
My wife has full permission to use my laptop (and I hers), but if she got on my laptop to search through my photos and videos to try to find something (something bad, that is), I would absolutely call that a breach of trust.
There’s a difference between using and snooping.
