In my 30’s and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I’ve “created” or “fake” in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20’s. I’ve essentially “found” myself to some degree in my 30’s, but I’m actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.
I recognize the signs when I’m being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It’s automatic, and I’ve noticed others take notice when it’s the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn’t such an automatic reaction.
So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?
Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with “You get better at it with time”, which is true of most things. However, I’m looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.
This had me thinking a lot about it… Damn.
I grew up having to mask within my family who were, and still are, strict traditionalists. Extremely formal, I learned to “hide” myself probably before I was even 10.
I started to express more in my teens in school, but relentless bullying taught me how to mask better. And home was a strict and unforgiving environment alongside.
I’m only starting to discover the trauma I’ve been causing myself over the last 25+ years.
I can’t even express myself freely, in a room by myself, I feel self conscious and a need to “control” myself to fit norms even when I’m the only one in the bloody room. “But what if someone sees me?!?”
Gah, what a mess.