My wife has adhd and autism, both recently diagnosed and a mountain of trauma due to it having been undetected so long. A tendency to burn herself out.

Its hard to be understanding at all time but from what I can see, you‘re already doing better than her parents did by getting your kid diagnosed. I‘d wager a guess that you‘ll arrive at the conclusion that its best for her to not have to do anything really and start taking things in her speed so she can build her own boundaries and personality.

Getting your boundaries crushed by well meaning parents can lead to severe problems with self worth, suicidal ideation and other harsh things.

But I dont have kids (because my wife and I fear exactly that situation while dealing with our own trauma) so I get that you need to make your own decisions. Just supposed to show that you‘re on a positive track and dont need to appraise anyone but your child and yourself I guess.

Good luck.