I (27M) have known a woman, “M” (31F) ever since I was 5 years old. Starting in 2023, we officially became lovers, and that was the year she moved in with me.

M and I love running, and for the past few years now, we’ve been running with each other. She was the victim of a sexual assault back in the year 2022. Ever since her assault, she has been in therapy for trauma, and I have held her hand the entire way.

Back in July this year, M and I went out for a run together. Ever since her assault, she’s had a major fear of showing off too much skin. At my insistence, for this run, I got her to take off her shirt, and I had her strip down to nothing but a very low-cut, spaghetti strap sports bra and her running shorts. This was the first time in a while that I saw her wearing a sports bra again. When we headed out for out, she got nervous and wanted to bring a spare shirt at the last second, and I forbid her from doing that, and I got her to remain shirtless.

Within a few minutes of our run, my girlfriend started crying, but she insisted that she was fine. I also had noticed that my girlfriend was already sweating so much. After a little while, M had a flashback. Her crying turned into bawling, and she became paralyzed with fear. She collapsed on her knees, and she was on the ground, clutching her chest and tearfully freaking out. I had to get down on the ground with her and hug her, and that was the end of our run. We walked back home together. When we got back to our apartment, rather than getting changed or showering, she rested her back on the wall and cried to herself for a full hour. I tried hugging her, but she screamed at me to not touch her.

Ever since M’s meltdown in July, our relationship has been fractured. She is terrified of me these days. After her assault back in 2022, she had worked so hard to get back to her normal headstrong, tomboyish self. But nowadays, I can tell that whenever she’s around me, she’s trying her best not to cry.

  • bobburger@fedia.io
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    2 months ago

    Why the fuck did you insist she wear something she wasn’t comfortable wearing regardless of any prior trauma? Fuck you.

  • norimee@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    she’s had a major fear of showing off too much skin.
    At my insistence, I got her to take off her shirt, and I had her strip down to nothing but a very low-cut, spaghetti strap sports bra and her running shorts. … she got nervous and wanted to bring a spare shirt … I forbid her from doing that, and I got her to remain shirtless.

    Are you hearing yourself? Why did you insist on torturing your traumatised girlfriend?

    I hope she has the strength to free herself from your harming influence.

  • IMALlama@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    If M doesn’t want to wear a sports bra because that brings back traumatic memories don’t force it on her. The way your post reads, it sounds like it was your idea to try it again - not her’s. Your wording makes it sound lik she wasn’t interested in doing it, but you tried talking her into it anyway. It shouldn’t be surprising that it didn’t end well.

    Is M seeing a therapist? That’s probably the best place to start if she’s not doing that already. Don’t suggest she go because dhe’s not wearing a sports bra anymore. Honestly, who cares about that. She needs to go to help work through her trauma. She might never dress provocativly again, but she should at least feel comfortable in her own head.