I’ve noticed I have a problem with not noticing people’s bad intentions until I’m well into an interaction or relationship, and not having good ways to respond when I do notice. Some of this may be brain, but I think much of it is habitual from things I was taught in my upbringing that don’t work well in the world.

Has anyone successfully figured this one out? I’ve done a ton of work on myself and gotten a lot wiser, but I still keep falling into the same trap of giving my good faith time and words to people who are semiblatantly trying to take advantage of me, are asking questions in bad faith, or are just generally being kinda mean or creepy to me. Once I do notice, it’s usually gotten to a point where it’s a little costlier to exit the situation than I think it would be if I had noticed right away. It still happens even when I feel cynical or don’t like/trust someone.

Any way to avoid this in the future? I guess I feel like I need a good reason to think “fuck this person.” It’s hard for me to react to it in the moment when it’s not clear to me a)what they’re doing and b)how to effectively shut it down or extricate myself.

  • t3rmit3@beehaw.orgEnglish
    0·
    2 months ago

    I personally always had a tough time with spotting bad intentions, and I started to always tell people

    “let me think about it and get back to you”

    That lets me get the distance and time to really assess the ask: does it help me, does it hurt me, does it hurt someone else, what does the asker gain from it, why would they want that, etc.

    Generally, if someone is pressuring me not to take time to give an answer, I take that as a red flag. And for me at least it was tough to learn to ask for that time, but it’s such a huge help in avoiding people with bad intentions.