Recently today I realized that I am in fact a trans girl. I made a post about it in [email protected] and after that I was reflecting a lot on my past, the mistakes I’ve made, and I realize I’ve made a lot of them. I’ve said horrible things about and to LGBTQ people, and just awful shit in general when I was younger. I was a young and stupid kid and I would say horrible things online, things I heard from other people or read online. Things I now regret and feel horrible about. I know I can never excuse any of them just because I was younger but I do deeply regret those mistakes, and I am deeply sorry I said any of those things. I know that isn’t an excuse but I hope people can find it in them to forgive me for my awful mistakes and accept me as a new person.
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As someone who recently came out as well and has at least had a bit of time to work through this a bit, you’re gonna be okay.
This is something that, whether you realize it or not, weighs on you in an unimaginable way and unfortunately that crushing weight causes an immense, unending pain that can get directed towards others. A lot of us have those feelings, and while you can’t undo the things you’ve said, you can definitely make amends for it, and this is a great start.
You’re going to be reflecting a lot for the next few weeks I bet, and just make sure you’re not too hard on yourself. You’ve made an incredible step in accepting who you are as a person, and ruminating on past mistakes isn’t doing that. That person is gone. You’re obviously still “you”, but in accepting yourself now, that scared, suffering, angry person is no longer scared and suffering and angry.
If you can, therapy, or even just journaling can help immensely. Externalizing some of the thoughts you’re having by writing them down, at least for me, tends to calm things down a bit and keep them from constantly buzzing about your head.
Stay strong, and feel free to reach out. We’re here for you.
often people who are repressed will find ways to express feelings they dont understand even in unhealthy ways. its not an abnormal reaction to lash out at people who you dont realize are a lot like yourself, because you are dealing with the learned bigotry and hatred that society, and by extension you, are placing on yourself. now that you see what a powerful effect hatred can have on somebody, how it can warp and skew their perspective, i think its time to let yourself accept some love, and the healing power it has, dont be too hard on yourself, just work on improving yourself.
