It’s ok, I’ve been there too. I used to wish I was trans, but I was scared that I was just looking for an easy solution to my problems. It wasn’t an easy solution, not because it isn’t everything I was hoping for, but because it is not easy being trans. Even though I was convinced I wanted HRT from the day I came out, I let myself get fucked around by American health insurance for over a year when I could’ve literally paid a few hundred dollars to get it far quicker. There is a damn good reason that I celebrate the CEO assassination.
Since I came out, I’ve actually looked into the science as best I could. I’ve realized that the entire system is fundamentally limited, from the way we classify disorders, to the way we even understand evolutionary classifications. It’s all made up, because at the end of the day, they’re just tools we created.
Our entire understanding of everything from identity to particle physics is constructed to serve. At a neurological level, we build a simulation of reality to better survive in it. The spoon only exists in our mind; the form isn’t real.
We cannot choose how we feel about our gender; no free will there. Your doubts and misgivings about anything have the ability to protect, but they can also harm. Consider how these doubts about your identity are working out as tools to benefit you: Are you better off because of them, or are they chains tied to a sinking rock?
ooh that’s super interesting! always thought it’s weird how we try to categorize everything just so we can say “it’s a*n <catogeory here>”.
accepting that the world is not made to be understood is quite the experience.
the doubts do have two sides for me. i think i’m way more interesting to talk to than just being a boring old cishet and i also wouldn’t have anything to work towards maybe. it’s really just the feels which make me feel bad and i’m hoping these go away some day.
the bad feels have been lowering in recent weeks, however i’m assuming that this is due to me consuming more media (watching MLP), played some gud game with a friend because of this recent post by me (which i also consider consuming media) and met up with a friend more in the city. i want to meet up with the fren more, but i’m not sure that consumption is the cure to my self-doubts. however, making frens because of a gem is fun.
also thank you very much for always replying to my comments. it means very much to me and i cannot imagine the lemmy without the TotallyNotJessica. i think i said this before, but i’ll say it again! u are important and we need you!!! :3
🥰 Tysm! I really try my best to help people, so I really appreciate what you say!
My last bit of parting wisdom is to not expect the bad feels to go away on their own. You’re on the right path, but it will take action and bravery to make it over the finish line. Saying that you might not “have anything to work towards” if you were cishet makes me think that you want to be a transfem. It’s ok. That’s all you need!
It’s ok, I’ve been there too. I used to wish I was trans, but I was scared that I was just looking for an easy solution to my problems. It wasn’t an easy solution, not because it isn’t everything I was hoping for, but because it is not easy being trans. Even though I was convinced I wanted HRT from the day I came out, I let myself get fucked around by American health insurance for over a year when I could’ve literally paid a few hundred dollars to get it far quicker. There is a damn good reason that I celebrate the CEO assassination.
Since I came out, I’ve actually looked into the science as best I could. I’ve realized that the entire system is fundamentally limited, from the way we classify disorders, to the way we even understand evolutionary classifications. It’s all made up, because at the end of the day, they’re just tools we created.
Our entire understanding of everything from identity to particle physics is constructed to serve. At a neurological level, we build a simulation of reality to better survive in it. The spoon only exists in our mind; the form isn’t real.
We cannot choose how we feel about our gender; no free will there. Your doubts and misgivings about anything have the ability to protect, but they can also harm. Consider how these doubts about your identity are working out as tools to benefit you: Are you better off because of them, or are they chains tied to a sinking rock?
ooh that’s super interesting! always thought it’s weird how we try to categorize everything just so we can say “it’s a*n <catogeory here>”.
accepting that the world is not made to be understood is quite the experience.
the doubts do have two sides for me. i think i’m way more interesting to talk to than just being a boring old cishet and i also wouldn’t have anything to work towards maybe. it’s really just the feels which make me feel bad and i’m hoping these go away some day.
the bad feels have been lowering in recent weeks, however i’m assuming that this is due to me consuming more media (watching MLP), played some gud game with a friend because of this recent post by me (which i also consider consuming media) and met up with a friend more in the city. i want to meet up with the fren more, but i’m not sure that consumption is the cure to my self-doubts. however, making frens because of a gem is fun.
also thank you very much for always replying to my comments. it means very much to me and i cannot imagine the lemmy without the TotallyNotJessica. i think i said this before, but i’ll say it again! u are important and we need you!!! :3
🥰 Tysm! I really try my best to help people, so I really appreciate what you say!
My last bit of parting wisdom is to not expect the bad feels to go away on their own. You’re on the right path, but it will take action and bravery to make it over the finish line. Saying that you might not “have anything to work towards” if you were cishet makes me think that you want to be a transfem. It’s ok. That’s all you need!