Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, “My Castle Town” by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody…
I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.
I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I’m always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I’m looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.
But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He’s the most handsome person I’ve ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?
Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the “basic” set of problems that men my age have. Those being:
- Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
- Argue with parents
And my “friends” are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can’t warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.
Why can’t people just sit down and appreciate life? When I’m sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)
Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.
not everyone is privileged, a big chunk of the world is starving and are living in poverty, be glad you are born privileged
From my personal experience, I attempted to end my life twice but couldn’t go through with it. Somehow, I managed to break free from that dark cycle, and now I’m happy and kicking. I believe that if people struggling with similar thoughts can find the strength to wait patiently, they might eventually break out of that loop too.
I’ve also noticed that individuals with goals or ambitions often seem less affected by depression. Some people are naturally more emotional than others, and many of the challenges people face today aren’t as difficult as they might seem at the time.
While getting aboard the world’s slowest elevator, one that will take you 80+ floors above you, how do you react to smelling the nastiest fart possible as you cross the threshold?
Does it even matter?
No it doesn’t.
You’re on this elevator, and it won’t stop until you’re the reason it stinks so bad.
Rent is due in 31 days
Now playing the album Marquee Moon by Television
had depression once but I sent it away shortly.
I don’t think that was depression lol
Username checks out
Maybe they meant ‘was depressed once’ ^^
“I’m done with these sad emotions. NEXT!”
Don’t worry. You’re not seeing yourself above others, you’re just only seeing yourself.
Depression is one answer. Anhedonia is another. Not having agency in ones life. War, starvation, malice, indifference.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you are happy, but you sound like someone who have lived a sheltered, privileged life.
Although I do have a massive ego.
No shit
Because there’s a disease called Depression and it affects your perception of the world.
It’s hard to understand it. When I was a kid, my mom would tell me about some rich/famous people who ended their lives, and asked me what I thought of it. I thought: But they are rich/famous, why would they do something so stupid
Then I got older and am diagnosed with depression. I understand what those people were going through. It can’t really be understood until you’ve gone through it.
Having depression is different from experiencing a depressed mood. Clinical depression is very long term, much more serious.
Its like… you are a computer, and this malware appears out of nowhere starts corrupting your system files, and the beautiful colorful desktop background crashes and its just a blank, black, desktop, the shortcuts wouldn’t open the programs, you try to use the antivirus but the malware just can’t be removed. Its so advanced that many computer experts have no idea how to even remove it…
Sometimes living is not enjoyable for some people.
You want me to explain what that feels like?
I wouldn’t bother, they think depression is something you can just send away.
This is such a toxic take, and it further dissuades people from getting help. Shame and judgement are huge internal barriers for many people that prevent those who need care from asking for it, and hearing ignorant and dismissive assessments about our struggles from healthy people only reinforces this problematic inner monologue.
We don’t think less of diabetics for needing insulin. Mental health care is healthcare. If you are struggling, please know you’re not less than anyone for having mental health conditions. Don’t be ashamed, and please pursue any and all care options available to you. There’s also a wonderful community full of understanding people who want to help support you, too!
It’s great you are so happy in life, and long may it last! My advice to you would be: learn to really listen to others. Find out about them, and how they experience the world.
You are the dog surrounded by fire saying “This is fine”.
I’m in too much pain right now to locate the image.
Ailments of the mind (depression, anhedonia, as others have mentioned) can make it literally impossible to enjoy life, at their worst.
Trauma, PTSD, cptsd, constant hatred, bigotry, bullying, divorce, losing loved ones, drifting away from loved ones. Theres a million things that can pile on top of you if you’re unfortunate enough to suffer them. With time, treatment, and incredibly hard work, you can maybe find your way out of some of the deeper holes. But for many, that is not a luxury they have.
I am fortunate enough to have climbed a good way out of my deepest holes. But theres a version of me in a different timeline who made just 1 different choice and never found her joy again.
You can’t make people see the beauty of the moon, because their world - unseen to you - may be far too cloudy. You can, however, help them weather the storm until they find their way out. Be patient, be kind, be selfless.
This is a beautiful comment. Thank you.
Edit to add: Congratulations on doing the hard work and getting to a better place!
You’re welcome, GiantChickDicks
I’m trapped in settler-hell, constantly profiled any time I leave the house, and am expected to be polite and cordial at all times to said settlers who pull this shit. Then I come online and have to deal with even more settler horseshit from people who’re supposed to be my ‘comrades’. Or at least, people who want me to see them that way when there is nothing shown nor proven regarding their works.
And there’s always going to be that constant lurking worry in the back of my head that if I leave my home solo dolo, I might never come home if a settler pig decides he doesn’t like the look of the phone in my hand, the cane keeping me balanced, or just the texture of my hair.
I genuinely despise this life. I don’t know how to love the crucible the god that made me put me in. Even the fleeting moments of beauty carve another piece out of my heart because I have to remember it won’t last, and as soon as that moment is over, the metaphorical, spirit-withering flames of the settler-hell in which I live will engulf me once again. I can’t tell if it’s meant to purge my impurities, or if it’s just meant to render me useless slag anymore.
If you want everyone to navigate a ninja warrior obstacle course to interact with you, don’t be surprised if not many make it through to you.
I get it. I don’t wanna fucking deal with people after dealing with capitalism all day myself.
Where are you?
Amerika, where else? Land of the white, trap of the enslaved.
Great pain, or an inability to find lasting reprieve from pain. The former is obvious, the latter can be something like the following:
Suppose by whatever circumstance you were you, but I fiddled with the way your brain works. Now when something small upsetting happens it lingers for long time, while something good is only experienced in a muted and brief fashion. Over time this twists your expectations, each day is like 90% feeling bad regardless of what happened and no matter what you tell yourself about the smallness of the bad thing the feeling remains.
You can be on holiday in a beautiful place but the thought that keeps coming to mind is that you aren’t as comfortable as in your own bed.
you stop sleeping right, you stop eating right because all food tastes equivalently meh. Your hobbies stop holding interest, successes stop feeling rewarding, but that pain from knowing you’re now boring and your friends pity and resent you? Fresh as ever.
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Idk. I feel empty inside. I don’t really feel joy. I don’t really feel sadness either. I just kinda persist. There are things I want to do. I don’t have the mental strength to do them regularly. Or like at all. Usually I tell myself that’s because I’m tired after the day/week. But deep down I know that this is not it. Or at least not the main reason. I don’t really do anything even during holidays. Every day feels the same. I know that this isn’t good for me, but I don’t care. I don’t worry about the future. Society is fundamentally broken, and always was/will be. I just go with the flow
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