“On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be, and there the world below don’t bother me…”

It’ll be less than a ton by the time they make it back to shore.

Bold of you to assume that it’s only when I’m peeing.

If only there were some way to prevent this…

Believe it or not, the theatre I was in was at least 80% full. Can’t say it was that full by the end though.

Whenever I see “Florida man…” I think it can’t be any worse than the last one, and every time I’m proven wrong.

The only thing going for it is the laughs one gets from looking at Cage in that ridiculous wig. Unfortunately, even those get old quick. I can’t believe I paid to see this in the theatre.

“The ability to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”

Every time I open the fridge and see Sweet Baby Ray’s I have to fight the urge not to squirt some directly into my mouth. Does that count?

If she’d been with Larry David she would have at least had some edible underwear for sustenance.

“ I was misdirected cause the interchange never intersected leaving me marooned beneath a bloodshot moon.”

Took me a second to figure out what you were referring to and then legit lol so thanks!

Meanwhile, I just want to watch that bizarre video of Kim at the volleyball game again. Drugs aren’t necessary with things like that at our disposal.

That’s what they want. Live your life to the fullest just to spite these motherfuckers.

“Offer expires while you wait.”

The scene in the junkyard with the Eric Idle Transformer and Weird Al’s “Dare to be Stupid” is permanently etched in my brain.

“These men are MINE!!”

“…and NO dessert until you eat all your broccoli!!”

Can’t blame the guy. He’s got nothing left to accomplish at the college level and the weather in LA (or Malibu more likely) has Ann Arbor beat hands down.