This sounds like some Steins Gate shenanigans where Steve gets hit by a car an hour later followed by a montage of Chad trying to save Steve from various events.

Would watch while crying

Is that why the text they wrote was so disturbing to read? Have they lived in an echo chamber for so long that they think it’s okay to talk about a person like they’re a cadaver. F’ing creepy

I feel like there’s a joke about Alabama in there where they could cover 8 of the categories by executing 3 people.

Don’t use company computers for personal stuff, it all gets logged and can be used against you at the very least as evidence that you weren’t working come performance reviews.