When my oldest niece was a toddler, she was out in the garage with her mom who was trying to get rid of some bugs. She said she hated ants, and my niece got really sad. “You hate Aunt Sweet?” Her mom laughed and explained that there were two types of ants/aunts.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks about 5 years ago and it was very difficult. For me, I had a lot of physical pain from an incomplete D&C, which despite helping me keep my mind occupied I wouldn’t wish on anyone. To help with the emotional pain, it helped to have cathartic cries. I listened to the saddest musicals I liked and just let myself cry. It was useful for me to cry for a different reason than the loss, but everyone is different.

For Christmas, I bought an angel ornament to remember the baby had lost. There are other ways to memorialize the baby, such as having a burial, or setting aside an object in honor of the baby. It all depends on what works best for you and your wife. Some people don’t want to remember and would rather move on while others keep it as a permanent reminder.

For you and your wife, try to give each other other space to grieve while making sure you still check in on each other and support one another. Miscarriages are a lot more frequent than you may think unless you have one (about 25% of pregnancies) but they are still difficult. As with most grief, just take one day at a time.

I was single for most of my life, getting married in my mid 30s. There were times when I really wanted a partner and times when it didn’t matter so much. When I was happy in my job and had a good social life, I looked at having a partner as sprinkles on a delicious sundae. It might make it better, but I was perfectly fine without it. Once I was married, we had the same perspective about kids. It would be nice, but our happiness was not dependent on it.