I’m atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.

People say it doesn’t mater - but honestly it really fucking does.

Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There’s so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.

I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.

She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.

But that’s not a possibility I’d recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don’t go there, it’s far more stressful than you think it is.

Damn. That’s rough, man. I hope both of you are going to be OK.

Reading this thread variously - honestly, your relationship sounds exhausting.

It’s taking more from you than it’s giving back. Regular blowups followed by patch-ups that leave you back where you started, with nothing but fallout and pain to show for it.

She fucks up, but is simultaneously too fragile and yet too able to hold you hostage to be held accountable; somehow you’re the one that has to earn your way back into her good graces, and you dare not upset the apple art by trying to change the dynamic or, god forbid, assert some boundaries along the way.

Rinse and repeat until it leaches the calcium right out of your damn bones.

Look, I get it. Anxiety disorders are no fun, mental illness isn’t the fault of the person who has it, and I have no doubt that she’s a wonderful person overall.

But you’re not getting paid for this. You’re not her carer, you’re not her parent, it’s not your job to clean up after her your whole life.

Would you take on that role for someone with stabyouintheface-itis, a condition that caused an otherwise lovely person to stab you in the face every month or two, entirely outside of their control or intent?

Hard pass, am I right? Not their fault, but not your job, so no. The impact of this one is lesser, but the principle is the same.

And yes, people can change and adapt and do better. Supposedly, at least - I haven’t seen it myself.

In the meantime, you deserve better things in your life than just pissing it away down someone else’s crazyhole.

Be by yourself, or be with someone who doesn’t take all your emotional resources just to break even. If your gf eventually manages to turn it around and get in better control of it, such that you can both benefit from the relationship, then great.

But until then, it’s just wearing you down and not filling her up. With the best will in the world towards her, you should go elsewhere.