vibinya

Ya… honestly I wouldn’t put much stock in Internet insults- easier said than done, I know. I think it’s really easy to get lost in our screens and forget the real world is incredibly different. It’s really frustrating how our brains sort through things- you’ll get a lot of positive feedback, and then one or two negative comments and that’s what our brains decide to focus on. I think it’s fairly normal for a lot of people, but I think it’s worth working on training your brain to untangle those types of thoughts. I recommend looking into Cognitive Distortions!

I think it’s really about going at your own pace and being patient with yourself! I’m still trying to find my happy middle as well.

For hair, find a local non-chain salon, and let them take care of you. They’ll work with you, recommend the right products for your hair type and the style you’d like to go for. I gave up trying to style mine and instead just super take care of it. I personally wash it once or twice a week with a fairly expensive Japanese shampoo/conditioner that my stylist recommended (I’ve been seeing her for over 11 years and we’re great friends… She’s been such a huge help through my transition). I also started to decorate it with cute bows and hair bands- I really recommend this! I’ve even started making my own!

Makeup is another story - I’ve been struggling, but honestly really care more about having healthy skin. Definitely start building a skincare routine so your skin starts to naturally glow. I also recommend a BB cream if foundation doesn’t feel right for you (not a fan of foundation tbh). From there you can find a tinted chapstick if you want some color for your lips. As much as I’d love to give you pointers on eye makeup - this is my biggest struggle area right now, but we’re just getting started so practice and patience!

It can be really disheartening seeing other women just radiate beauty, but remember that they’ve had many many years of practice and definitely struggled when they first started 🩷

Started going to a small local coffee shop a little over two years ago, and I’ll never go back to the giant chains. The people working are always happy, greet regulars by name, always go out of their way to interact or talk with me- usually remember something we talked about before, comp my orders every now and then, host little events, etc. It’s not just them either - I always have a way better experience going to non-chain coffee places. Oh, and the coffee is always waay better and priced better.

I think your feelings on this are super valid. Each step can be a bit scary, especially when you aren’t sure how people in your life are going to react. Pronouns and gender identity are your choice 🩷 remember that it’s not about passing or having certain checkboxes checked, it’s about how you feel and what you’re working on/towards! One aspect of transitioning is finding people who respect who you are and who you want to become without gatekeeping or forcing their personal versions of gender on you. Women can have beards, body hair, deep voices, balding, huge muscles, etc - it’s fine if you don’t want these things for yourself, but none of these are a reason to think you aren’t valid as a woman.

If you can, I super encourage you to try to find more queer places and people to interact with. You’ll find there’s a huge spectrum of gender presentation and identity - it really helped me feel confident and comfortable with my choices and feelings.

I guess it depends how your emotions resolve. If you don’t want to be seen as a boy/man, then you can ask them to stop calling you that without elaborating further. I personally would not have friends or continue to stay in a space where people didn’t respect my identity, pronouns, or whatever label I choose for myself.

For my transition I’m not looking to be seen as or called a boy - period, so being called a femboy would cause me the same pangs as being misgendered.

I think the thing I would think about is if you’re okay with people deciding who you are. Sure, there’s some affirmation as they see you as feminine, but once you open up to these people about your goals, will they respect you or continue to call you something that doesn’t align with your transition.

Actually super interesting how close our chosen names are! I like it!

I very much go through this. It can be hard looking at all the niche things around my house which I spent so much energy pursuing - specialized photography rigs, magic cards, jewelry making tools+storage, exercise gear, crazy keyboard setups for multiboxing, etc. With all of those came the community aspect. I feel so guilty just disappearing after gaining so much attention and recognition in various areas. I can confidently say I’m paralyzed with some type of fear to get into new things- I know they’ll consume me, but then one day I’ll wake up and just see it as a source of stress and drop it. If I had infinite money and loved socializing, I’d not be too stuck, but I just can’t afford to keep cycling through interests right now. The things which tend to interest me always demand a financial sink.

Cotton or anything natural! The idea of my clothes being made of plastic fibers which then enter the water supply or sit in a landfill bothers me. This applies to sheets, towels, etc. My skin also reacts poorly to synthetic fibers.

I wonder which of these is the cheapest and which is the most expensive.

When I signed up they had a very easy process which allowed migration of playlists. I believe it was a 3rd party utility/website which you could actually use to migrate playlists from and to any of the music streaming services.

I absolutely love Tidal as well. Was a long time Spotify subscriber, but their UI/UX decisions, especially for their desktop client, finally frustrated me enough to switch. Had almost no issues moving my playlists over, have a shuffle which actually shuffles, still have daily recommendation playlists, and my favorite part -patch notes; I know what’s happening and why. They actually listen to user feedback and make updates based on it.

I would caution your and other people’s perception of your intelligence as having significance. Doing well academically (especially pre-college) and thinking that this equals intelligence can be a bit of a trap. I, along with other high functioning friends, also did well academically and many people, teachers, peers, etc all viewed us as intelligent - the problem is, we understood expectations and how to create a mask and personal systems which allowed our brains to succeed in school. Entering college, that all changed for us. The expectations changed and the system changed- everything I created for myself to succeed no longer applied. I went from a 4.0 high school student in all advanced classes to dropping out of college the first semester. I saw peers who did terribly in high school thrive in college. I saw how they easily formed new connections and found support which allowed them to continue where I stumbled.

I would ask yourself what value you are expecting out of being viewed as intelligent and why you feel you might need that label applied to you. Growing up, I personally put a lot of effort into being seen as smart to make up for my ASD thinking I could outsmart it or something. Being 30+ now, I no longer really care how people view me- I just care that they are kind and respectful.

My brain shifted towards the end of high school. Growing up, I had an uncontrollable imagination and mental environment - it was essentially a never ending plot line consisting of characters from movies, shows, books, comics- anyone that I found interesting. It was a way to cope. My brain constantly had these characters interact and create conflicts. Their actions and dialog would sometimes spill out into the real world, and I had to remember to keep everything inside. I saw it all in my mind- it was honestly super creative. I eventually wanted it all to stop because I felt like I couldn’t control it, but it took effort. I had to slowly turn the extremely detailed characters into lesser versions of themselves until they were just mental stick figures; eventually, I was able to stop the story as I got bored maintaining personalities for 2d characters.

I can still access my visual mind, with effort, but it’s nothing like it was. It is now instead a constant inner monologue which converses at nothing- usually it’s about topics which I might have to explain to someone later or a way to navigate my thoughts/feelings. There’s never anyone talking back, just my mind talking at nothing. It can be helpful as my brain bricks during random/spontaneous conversations with people, and I can lean on rehearsed talking points/sentences.

As for memory- It’s on point when something is actively in my life, but the moment that thing becomes uninteresting or I step away for a few weeks, it feels less accessible and usually makes me super anxious and avoidant. Learning about things initially is super fun, but knowing I’m missing information which I previously was very confident in is tough for me.

I’ve played so much of it and didn’t realize it only supported two players! I guess I’m glad I only talked one friend into playing with me 🤭.

I would definitely recommend some roguelike shooters like Roboquest, Gunfire Reborn, Crab Champions, etc. These are all 4 players, but you could always have a few different lobbies.

Maybe also consider something like Palworld, Grounded, Raft, and other Survivalcraft games. There should be a good few in that genre that will allow you all to play together!

Sounds like a fun group ready for some great memories! Good luck on your game hunt!

The only thing I can offer is a small warning. I also was a habitual neck cracker- up until one night where my normal twist had an unfamiliar popping sensation which kind of felt like a muscle snapping. I was then greeted with incredible pain anytime I tried to move my head or just move in general. Had to go to the ER/urgent care that night. The doctor was very straightforward with their advice- there’s no reason I should be cracking my neck and I need to stop. I had pulled one of the muscles and it had severely swelled.

I also used to crack my knuckles, elbows, back, etc. I eventually stopped by catching myself in the act, acknowledging that I don’t like feeling like I can’t control myself, and giving my hands something else to focus on.

Good luck!!

I definitely can’t argue about the size of their library! While the continued dragging of their feet on HiFi was frustrating (years of telling us it was coming), the thing which finally drove me away is their constant tweaking of playlist and queue management.

I mainly use their desktop client and controls would disappear with each update- no way to block songs, inability to remove a song from auto generated queues, playlists not syncing between devices, songs being weighted in a shuffle. I made a post on their forums about the missing options for their autoplay queues- their response was that while there was no button or context menu option to remove a song, I could select it and use the delete key. I just gave up on whatever type of user experience they want me to have.

I did recently and will not be going back to Spotify. There are so many small things with Tidal - actual patch notes each update, updates which clearly address user reported concerns/issues, straightforward playlist management and queue controls, an actual shuffle that isn’t some weird interaction based algorithm, and of course the quality. There’s been so many times I’ll be listening to a song, which I’ve listened to many times on Spotify, and notice something in the backing track which I wasn’t aware of or some aspect of a singer’s voice or instrument which really pops and adds texture. They also have great recommendations and a Daily Discovery playlist. And finally - it’s just music; no scrolling through podcasts or non-music this… Just high quality, easy to manage, music.

I don’t think I see knowledge in a digital vs non-digital sense. People often learn things in different fashions - I’m sure you’ve heard people say they are visual learners vs auditory or something like that. There is some truth to that, but overall it’s easier to remember and retain things when we’re exposed to them in a variety of ways. Teaching someone or explaining something you just learned is a great way to retain things- yes, it may come out all over the place at first, but you’ll often find it becomes easier as you revisit the topic or try explaining it again later. There’s also a difference between knowing something and understanding something. You can watch tutorials on something, but until you start applying that knowledge, it might not feel as tangible. Oftentimes, there’s a point with any knowledge where we hit a wall and mentally spin our wheels trying to understand it- super normal, else everyone would be experts on everything. Overcoming that wall usually means taking some steps back and picking up some pieces of knowledge which we might not have been exposed to previously. This is one of the reasons we’re seeing more education efforts focused on Project-Based Learning.

I did! I do think it’s a great alternative, but when moving some of my playlists over, I saw too many missing songs. They were my more niche playlists/genres so I was kind of expecting it. Tidal didn’t have all of them either, but did have more so I decided to go with them.