Also, at the current rate they’ll be at 700k losses next Tuesday.

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I bought my edge grain cutting board there. They have 2" versions as well as up to 6" versions (https://www.holz-liebling.de/produkt-kategorie/schneidebretter/hackblock/) You could look at their pictures to get some hints at what you could do.

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As for timing, one could use the flock function to ensure only one process starts. Something like this (untested): flock -n ~/.htop.lock -c htop