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5·1 month agodeleted by creator
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Thanks for your kind words.
It’s… I can and am choosing not to kill myself. I can’t choose to not want to kill myself. I think it’s kind of inevitable though, it’ll only take one time of things being bad enough for me to not care about hurting those who care about me. More or less just trying to give myself as much time as possible and enjoy what I can while I can.
I don’t really have any hope for the future. It’s become incredibly clear to me over the past few months that while I can feel better sometimes, nothing actually improves. Things don’t improve unless you actively try to improve them, and having tried and failed spectacularly it’s apparent that I even if I kept trying, it would be ineffective, and I just can’t care enough to keep trying.
I really don’t want to keep living, but I choose to anyways, at least until things I get bad I can’t choose anymore. I won’t hurt my friends and family and I know how I see things and how I feel are different from the reality of my situation. Just eventually, those won’t be enough anymore.
I… actually did something similar a month ago. Just with a bag. Scary that it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, kind of removes one of the barriers discouraging it.
3·1 month agodeleted by creator
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Awww, got em wrong. They’re so adorable
1·1 month agoWhat an absolute sweetie
I want to guess–is Franky the orange one?
No, who the hell does enjoy media coverage about polls? Lmao
To the people who are already starting to type “I enjoy them!!!” comments, it is a rhetorical question to emphasize my distaste for them through the mechanism of expressing doubt that they have widespread appeal. I thoroughly understand that other people can enjoy things I don’t. Thanks.
Mood, fucking same.
But also because the world sucks ass and people are getting more comfortable talking about their mental health. Two of the three coworkers I was close to at my job were on the same antidepressant as me. That’s not a “I only communicate with similarly fucked up people” thing, these are people I didn’t have a choice in meeting. Not that your comment isn’t accurate, I think it’s also just you’re more comfortable talking about your mental health with the friends and communities you’re close to.
In therapy and on antidepressants, and things were better for a while, but the past few months have shown me that nothing ever actually improves. I can feel better about stuff for a while, or more accurately be emotionally disconnected from how shitty things are, but they don’t improve. I’ve tried, and failed so hard I’m much worse off now than before I started antidepressants and therapy in the first place. I’m done. I wish I’d never tried to make things better in the first place. Having hope was stupid and just resulted in me hurting way more. I’m mostly just trying to avoid suicide for as long as possible, I think it’s pretty inevitable.