In case anyone’s been following my posts, about this, I was given a 6 month course of therapy to deal with depression and anxiety. It seemed a bit pointless to me since my depression and anxiety are caused by poverty, which therapy won’t fix, but if I refused the sessions it would adversely affect my benefit appeal. The therapy was shit, the therapist was shit, and today was my final session, and I’m so relieved it’s finally over.
Here are some of the highlights of my sessions with her:
Said she can’t give me the good treatments like EDMR, because I’m still living in the bad situation that is causing my problems, and these kinds of therapies are for after the problem has ended, to help you get over it. So she can’t do anything for me other than meditation and drawing pictures.
When I spoke about traumatising things that have ended that I’d like EDMR for, such as a time I was violently assaulted, she instead tried to get my to sympathise with my attackers, and imagine what problems they have in their lives that drove them to assault a random stranger, and feel sorry for them.
Shamed and disparaged me for asking for food vouchers on here, even though she knows I have no money whatsoever.
Basically told me that me killing myself is a good idea - she said, given my issues and the fact that they can’t be solved, it seems a reasonable plan that I would aim to commit suicide one day. She said she’s done all she can for me and there’s no point putting me forward for further therapy. I mean, I do agree suicide is the eventual answer for me but it seems a bit unprofessional for a therapist to agree.
She thinks it’s no big deal that I could be homeless soon, she said she’ll just give me the number of a homeless shelter. She doesn’t seem at all concerned about my financial situation and even said she might tell the DWP I have missed some of her sessions, even though she knows this puts me at bigger risk of losing my appeal. I wonder if this might be retaliation for the fact I’ve missed some sessions with her - maybe she doesn’t get paid for those sessions so she wants to punish me?
The “therapy” has consisted of nothing but meditation, drawing pictures and her writing timetables for me to stick to. Then she gets angry with me that this isn’t making any difference to my life.
Told me off during a meditation that involved body movements, because my left side wasn’t moving as much as the right. Even though she knows my left side is affected by the fact I’ve had a stroke.
Puts me in the most bleach and perfume smelling room even though I’ve told her it triggers my migraines.
Has often turned up late and dismissed me early so the sessions only last 3/4 of the time they’re meant to.
I’m sure there’s been other stuff too that I can’t remember now. Anyway I’m glad I don’t have to see her any more but I’m worried about her telling the DWP I’ve missed some sessions, they might use it against me at my appeal.
I will not denounce her publicly as she could ruin my benefit appeal for me, as I have said. I am already in danger of homelessness and have no money for food, and it’s bad enough when it’s temporary. I am not going to make my situation permanent by pissing her off so she ruins my life.
And yes, suicide is often the answer. I am having lifelong cancer treatment which is awful and has ruined my life. I’ve had a stroke (as a result of the cancer treatment) which has left me partially sighted and unable to walk properly. I’m in constant pain, there’s no cure and the doctors say I’m at risk of another stroke or the cancer coming back. I live in absolute poverty so bad I have to beg for food on here because I can’t work and society thinks people who don’t work shouldn’t eat. I will spend the rest of my life in pain, having horrible medical treatments, disabled, being dragged through endless disability benefit assessments and appeals, in poverty. Every time I have my benefits stopped during another appeal I’ll be back here, begging for food aid, making post after post until someone answers. My feet are so infected with ulcers that I need multiple surgeries on them. I have to beg for the money to buy the bandages because the NHS doesn’t provide them. And it’s looking like soon I’ll be homeless, in winter, while ill.
Quite honestly I found your post offensive, narrow-minded, judgmental and completely thoughtless. "It’s a stupid and narrow decision that should be avoided at all costs" “I feel like you’re not evaluating things correctly.” “Don’t be afraid of the hardships,” this is nothing but patronising drivel. I am tired of people like you trying to pressure me into being some kind of martyr to a cause. Just because you are lucky enough not to be in a position where there is no way out does not mean you’re better at evaluating situations than other people. I should not be pressured into decades more pain, illness, unwanted medical treatments, poverty and homelessness just because some people refuse to accept that other people should be allowed to decide their lives aren’t worth living. Do you even know or care what the statistics are on homeless women being raped? Nearly a tenth of homeless women get raped twice a year on average! Why tf should I live a life of multiple rapes just because you think I should be devoting my existence to campaigning? So easy for you to say all this shit when you aren’t the one at risk. Not to mention if I become homeless soon after my foot surgeries I’ll be on the streets with open surgical wounds, nowhere clean or dry to change the dressings, no way to wash and soak my feet as instructed, the feet will probably get much more infected than they are now.
I don’t judge those who commit suicide you say, then go on to say that people who do it are stupid. This is the most infuriating and judgmental post I’ve ever seen on this site. I don’t owe it to you or to any cause to live like this. If you don’t think homelessness is a big deal, then give me your home and you go and live on the street. You know what, I’ve had several people on here and hexbear toy with me for fun, string me along promising me food aid, and then not delivering. I thought those people were the lowest of the low, but all the crap you just said is even more upsetting and disappointing than that.
The incredible irony is, you can see how shit and infuriating the things my therapist said to me were, and you denounce her for that, and then YOU go and say things that are just as bad, if not worse. Absolutely no self-awareness at all.