Hyia sorry for this being very ranty, this is something I have only talked about with a choosen few people but I thought I might aswell just be open here and see what people have to say.
Please have understanding for my previously held believes, I don’t agree with any of it anymore and wish I had never had them.
I am Xea, 19yo transwoman(1 year HRT) and a diagnosed autist. I am very proud and ever more confident about my identity but it took alot of work to get here.
When I was 15 I was being bullied by most people in my class, another class and several teachers, I did not function in school as I have severe sensory issues which make me shutdown when there is too much noise to process, this made me grow very resentful and when I was introduced to conservative ideologue content on youtube I ate it all up, first I became moderately conservative, laughing at the “insanity” of the modern left, than I became a stounch conservative, I became hateful towards the migrants who had made me feel uncomfortable in my school and environment and leftist ideas being taught at my school, like… tolerance, I believed transpeople are just a silly leftist invention and (what hurts me most in retrospect) atleast famous trans people I would missgender on purpose.
I started to believe that this system is broken and that violence was the only way to right it.
Later on I started getting more influenced by libertarian politics and notions of personal liberty which ultimately somewhat deradicalized me but I remained somewhat right wing.
Something had been growing while I was developing these believes though, I was hyper sexual and my sexuality was not straight, maybe slighly gay, but mainly I wanted to be the other sex, I hated myself for it, I would be dead ashamed every time I enjoyed it, I would throw away the toys I had bought, hurt myself and people who found out.
when I was 17 this odd desire became more though, it was no longer just about sexuality it was calling… screaming at me that everything was wrong and that I had to get out.
So I left school and spend alot of time alone introflecting, when I started to experience hair loss it was basically my tipping point, if I didn’t do anything now, I would never be able to be who I wanted to be, so I bought a vial of estradiol cypionate and some dutasteride tablets and I turned the hateful ugly boy into a pretty woman.
It was hard to explain to my family how this happened and I never dared to meet my old friends again.
Thank you for reading! <3
Same. I got suckered into it too when I was around 11 or 12. I was very lonely and spent a lot of time on youtube then. Youtube kept recommending me far-right content despite me never showing interest in it previously and eventually I decided to watch it. I got sucked in deep for a few years. It didn’t help that I live in a rural area, and many of the people I see irl are bigots.
I’m not proud of myself for get suckered in, but I am very proud of myself for getting out of it. When I was around 14 I started deeply questioning my religion. My parents had me going to a gender separated catholic school about once a week and I absolutely hated it. I started skipping class and this gave me a lot of time to think about things. At this time I parted ways from both religion and conservatism.
After leaving conservatism, I became a neoliberal, and then gradually moved further left until I became a socialist when I was 15. I also got my first phone and I ended up downloading reddit where I saw egg memes and other queer content for the first time in my life. A year later and my egg cracked. It took my parents a while to come around to it, and I wasn’t able to get HRT until turning 20. I am now almost 8 months on e and I am very excited to try prog soon. :3
Unfortunately though I still live in a rural area with a bunch of bigots, and I still have no irl friends since it’s mostly just grumpy old farmers where I live. Once I graduate from college I hope to move to the cities and have a much better life.