Yeah, I try not to let things go unsaid myself because I don’t really post memes much and I do try to fight against the toxic mentality of “men don’t share feelings” shit.
But I feel a sort of mental “sting” every time I talk about something that makes me sad in front of people. It makes me worry I’m being pathetic, unlikable, or unattractive.
And then kill themselves
Source CDC
Estrogen is anti psychotic and has various benefits for the brain. Schizophrenia manifests mainly after menopause in women and during peak testosterone age in men
Wasn’t the attempted suicide rate for men and women the same (not completely sure), but men overall tended to opt in for more ‘successful’ methods making the actual suicide rate higher?
Women attempt more, but use ineffective strategies like overdose. Men attempt less, but use more effective strategies than women do (like half of successful attempts are with guns. It’s actually really hard to OD on purpose - tried it at least three times lol)
It’s not a “men have it better than women” or vice versa thing. It’s more about cultural presentations of suicide and suicidality.
Hey guys guess where I will do a backflip tonight lmao 🤣
Nah, i tell my bois all about it and they talk to me about it.
That’s nice. I’m trying to get there myself. It’s hard enough to be honest with yourself, let alone your buds.
It is hard on both accounts, yes.
And also: it’s okay to accept people who don’t want a deeper relationship. You can have different friendships at different levels.
If only this were an actual meme
It’s very true trueeeee
Memes ARE a cope
Well what else are we supposed to do? Open up about our problems and get ridiculed to oblivion?
Good for you, I wish I had those kinds of friends
What am I supposed to do? “Oh, hey, yeah, so, I just held my cat in my arms as he died. I had to euthanize him because he was had congestive heart failure, and was slowly drowning from pulmonary edema. I miss him so much, and I want to believe that he’s in a better place, but he’s just dead and gone, and I’m never gonna see him again. All I’ve got are memories, and they’re going to fade with time until one day I realize that I haven’t thought about him in years. But yo, how are you doin’? Any big plans for the weekend?”
You get up, and keep doing the shit you have to do, because it needs to get done. Telling people you’re really depressed tends to make them feel really awkward, they don’t know what to say, and then they gradually start ghosting you. Shit sucks, but you put a happy face on because no one wants to know that you aren’t happy.
It is tough, but emotionally mature people will know how to react. Even if all they say is something like “damn man, I’m really sorry to hear that.” Or if they’re extra cool (I don’t know anyone like this irl) they might even ask if there’s anything they can do. Maybe come by for a visit and chat. That kind of thing.
You can simply say “yo I’m sad about my cat’s death”. Accept your feelings and dont be shy to share them, just dont impose them. It also opens buds to help you if they’re up for it.
Shutting them up only reinforces this idea that men dont cry and arent allowed to feel things, and the day you need actual help people will mock and leave you for being a downer and a weakling.
Friendships are built on the ups and the downs.
Also in this case, you need to let yourself grieve, or itll pop up in the future when you dont expect it to.
It also opens buds to help you if they’re up for it.
My experience has been that being emotionally open tends to make people withdraw. Should it be that way? Of course not. Should I get better friends? Yeah, that would be cool, and I wish that was as easy to do as it is to say. I’ve found that many relationships and friendships end up being somewhat transactional; people are there for the good times, but aren’t interested in the emotional labor when shit gets real. I try to be there for people when they’re going through shit, but that doesn’t seem to be reciprocated.
If I sound bitter, well, I am. And cynical.
A lot of people I had thought were friends ghosted me when I failed to complete suicide and had a 72 hour hold. My ex-spouse held me in utter contempt because I was struggling emotionally. A lot of people I had known for a decade or more ghosted me when my ex-spouse and I were getting divorced; in fact, I only got to keep one friend in that divorce.
I suspect that this is part of the experience of being on the autism spectrum.
Yeah it depends on who you do it with. Part of emotional intelligence is knowing what the limits others have is, but if you’re unable to even state that you are going to be in a bad mood then that’s less than a friendship.
As for the suicide attempt, that’s something incredibly heavy for anyone. I don’t completely blame them, but at the same time, you’d expect something, not full on ghosting. It’s like they’re the ones who commited suicide, sheesh.
And lastly about the spectrum… It makes you think that people are rational, logical, that they will keep in mind the trades you’ve done and will pay you back eventually. The truth is: People are irrational shits.
As for the suicide attempt, that’s something incredibly heavy for anyone.
The irony is that some of the people I had mistakenly believed were friends were (are, I believe) in an anti-suicide advocacy group. I guess it was easier for them to say the right things than to do the right things. 🤷 Lessons learned, etc.
Mate, come join us at the @[email protected] group on Mastodon. There are a lot of fellow autists who will be there to lend an ear if you need to vent or need some practical advice. I recommend the autistics.life instance. I have the same issue irl, people will expect me to be there when they need me, but now that I need someone on my side, they’ll happily throw me under the bus. You’re not alone, even if it’s just a few randos online.
Man that is a raw deal. I worry about my friend circle if my partner ever left me. I suck at making friends, so most of the people I know now are through her.
My experience has been that being emotionally open tends to make people withdraw.
Yeah, that sounds sadly typical for guys. I wonder where the cool emotionally available people all are?
I wonder where the cool emotionally available people all are?
I met some when I was a member of The Satanic Temple. And then Lucien Greaves/Doug Mesner went full-on authoritarian, I bailed because I’d already escaped from one cult, and the people I knew stayed. Now I’m the out-group, rather than a friend, because group/social identity is harder to let go of than individual friendships. I met some when I was in art school; hopefully the world hasn’t beaten that tendency out of them yet.
I suck at making friends
I hear you. It’s hard to make plans with anyone now; no one seems to follow through. And without spending time with people, you can’t build those bonds of friendship.
If you’re THAT emotional over a pet dying you need professional help man.
Im not trying to diminish your feelings, I’m sorry my dude, I feel for you I really do, but you shouldn’t really spiral into a deep depression over a pet.
You obviously have some other shit going on that would make you react that way and therapy will really help, not just with the grieving but understanding yourself.
Edit: just read your other comment. Yeah dude I really hope you are getting the help you need, and I can see how this would make you spiral. Im going through a break up myself rn, so I empathize the pain you felt before. I’m taking meds myself and trying to get through it as I had those same ideations.
You ever need to vent my dude DM me.
My divorce was nine years ago. I got remarried a whopping five days after my divorce (…because that was the statutory minimum time; my ex-spouse had dragged their feet so long with a divorce they initiated that I’d had three serious relationships, met someone, gotten proposed to, and was ready to get married before the divorce was complete). I can say without reservation that my current partner is leaps and bounds better than my ex-partner. I’ve long ago accepted that many people that said they were friends were not friends, even if it still sticks in my throat. In the time since my divorce, I’ve lost an average of 1.1 cats per year, and it never gets easy to hold someone that’s been a friend and companion for over a decade as they take their last breath.
Am I okay? I’m as okay as I ever get. I’ve been through therapy multiple times, and I’d probably still go to therapy if insurance was affordable.
Do I have friends? Not really. If I make plans with people too far in advance, they forget and make other commitments. If I try to make plans too late, they’re already booked. It’s possible that I’m simply unlikeable; I tend to lean that way.
My only point was that, anecdotally, this is the experience that a lot of men have when they try to be emotionally vulnerable and honest with their male friends. Perhaps Gen Z isn’t getting this kind of shit; maybe they’re able to be more emotional. I kind of doubt it though, because young Gen Z men are trending far more conservative than Millennials, and conservatism isn’t friendly towards emotional intimacy among men. I hope that they do better than my generation did.
This lacks insight and empathy. It reeks of sympathy.
You’re right, I’m being very disingenuous
What else are you suppose to do?
Ask for help. Be vulnerable with the boys.
You kidding?
(Looks at them)
That empty spot is where those two would be, if they didn’t have to do 55 hours/wk at work and care for their families the rest of the time.
He got depressed and vanished a year ago. No one knows where he went. He didn’t leave any contact info.
He’s literally too stupid to breathe. We keep him around for the laughs but no one is going to tell him anything.
And he’s literally dead.
what boys? This ignores the original point. There isnt some big group of friends just waiting for a cry for help… The point is they arent receptive to it and it causes them to withdraw. A dude feeling suicidal? Literally no wants to hear it. Theyll just feel uncomfortable and avoid you.
Sounds like you need new boys. If you tell your friends you’re feeling that low and they withdraw from you because it makes them feel icky, they aren’t your friends. They’re self centered pricks who aren’t worth investing your time or feeling into.
Gee thanks, that’s super helpful.
On second thought, my recommendation is therapy
K.
This you?
I’ve tried being open with friends and it just didn’t seem like it mattered much to them. I don’t have many close friends, almost none to be honest.
It seems you should heed your own advice
I am in therapy? This isn’t the burn you thought it was. You can talk to your friends and a professional counselor. What a weird reply.
If only that worked for me. I’ve been in a depressing place for 5 years, and I both opened up to my homies and brother… Crickets.
My wife keeps me sane and grounded.
I feel that, man. I’ve tried being open with friends and it just didn’t seem like it mattered much to them. I don’t have many close friends, almost none to be honest. But I have my wife and no matter what I always know she’s there for me, unfailingly.
I will just say, having gone through a real rough year, it’s not always black and white. I be vulnerable with the boys and ask for help, but I need time to process first, and to do it in the way I want and the time I want.
In the meantime, I am often sending memes for that small comfort of friendship while I process.
The boys can’t do anything. They’re broke and hopeless too.
Sometimes just talking things out is meaningful on its own.
Cool, cool, cool…
Are there any other options tho?
Lol, no. We’ll all just suffer quietly thanks.
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.
The time is gone, the song is over. Though I’d something more to say.
Breathe, breathe in the air…don’t be afraid to caaarreeee
Yes. That’s the healthy option. …Not gonna do it.
I’ll just post ‘mood’ worthy memes untill the problem is normalized to me long enough to stop making me feel things about it.
The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma…
Or go to therapy, or a 12 step program, or a support group, or a mens shed or call a crisis line.
But ignoring it and pretending it’ll go away on its own letting the pressure build until it explodes is MANLY unlike taking responsibility for your reactions.
Wallow in self pity?
I’m good with sending memes.
you guys have homies?
All my homies dispersed after our lives became so painful and tiring that we had nothing to share anymore.
Men growing up never learn how to talk about their lives and wants and fears with each other, it’s always fake bravado, masculinity, “how can I make everyone laugh” and other increasingly desperate attempts to cling to the simple, happy days of childhood when there was less to worry about and every day was magical.
When the magic wanes, we’re left as people holding nothing. We don’t know how to laugh anymore. We don’t know how to make anyone else laugh anymore. We stop smiling. We stop going out of our way to even keep up appearances, and just fade into the background, and most of us like it that way. Because society broadly doesn’t know how to handle male emotional states that don’t follow stereotypes for cartoonish masculinity. So as men get older, we get more and more alone.
I literally have no clue what it feels like to have other men, related or not, to lean on and talk to. I’ve never had support from anyone outside of my partner, and cannot imagine how dark life is for men who don’t even have that. Yes, our world is unkind to men. It’s also unkind to women in a different way.
We can each change it, but it takes effort, emotional intelligence, and of course the time in the day that most of us don’t have once you have bills to pay and people to take care of.
And I don’t say this as some kind of whiny-ass teenage MGTOW redpill kid who is mad at women. I have studied sociology and neurology for decades, I have been a coach and trainer to young men, as well as women and families, I have taught self-defense, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve had substance abuse problems, i’ve kicked substance abuse problems. I’ve been religious and renounced it all. I’ve been a shut-in introverted gamer turned outgoing, public-speaking business leader. I’ve lived a few and speak from decades of just being and watching.
I’ve never had support from anyone outside of my partner, and cannot imagine how dark life is for men who don’t even have that.
Pretty fucking dark, take my word for it.
the problem is systemic. a brotherhood of man wouldn’t put up with the whims of poor leadership.
a brotherhood of man
What in the fantasy novel is this about
Your comment resonated with me. I wish I had more to contribute, but all I’ve got right now is: you don’t seem like such a mean cow.
No, that’s why I post my memes here.
We here for your memes homie.
How else are we to feel better then?
jerk off to anime tiddies?
I guess there is more than one way after all
but that never makes me feel any better
do it more then?
When i had to take my dog to the emergency vet, I got on discord and posted about ten Star Trek memes in under five minutes. One of the guys asked if I was ok, that’s when i broke down and revealed the reason. I was basically looking for attention…
Well, that explains my shit post the other day
Edit: I’m so sorry, I had a disconnect from the first half of your comment. I apologize if this was insensitive, and I hope you are doing alright
No worries, we all deal with stress in our own ways.
It’s how we have to communicate, as most cultures won’t allow us to be open with our emotions.
Y’all need actual friends.
This advice is only one step above “just be happy”.
I usually just disappear and than appear again, like nothing happened.
Hey! It makes the day better when your homies laugh
