I struggle even feeling like I deserve trying to improve. I’m so convinced I’m a horrible worthless person. Every memory is tinged by hate. I’m not even sure there’s anything wrong with me mentally. I think this is the logical conclusion to a lifetime of misery and suffering. I’m relatively convinced that I actually am irredeemable and deserve death.
How do I stop feeling this way? Should I?
Yes. I do it in the shower or in the car. It helps if you imagine it as a little gremlin or Smurf or whatever helps. Whatever you imagine it as, try to make it something that is smaller and weaker than your actual self.