I get what you’re saying, but as a relentlessly intellectual person, I have to point out that it’s not one’s attitude or internal feeling that makes “confidence” a successful romantic strategy. To make this obvious, say, for example, I know who I am and what I want, and I know my value, and I go to a party and sit quietly in the corner waiting for everybody to recognize it. That actually might work for exceptionally physically-attractive people: “Ooh— who’s that mysterious stranger over there? I wanna find out more about him!” For most of us, it would result in being ignored or just left alone. It’s not enough to feel it, confidence must ultimately be performed somehow.
And, even when it’s performed, it depends a great deal on the other person’s perception. We can probably all think of examples of people who have unwarranted confidence in themselves, the people who know in their hearts with much conviction that they are the greatest, while the rest of us just see them as pathetic or annoying. In a romantic context, he’s the guy at the bar who just knows that the women want to sleep with him. If they do, we can say that he was confident. If they don’t, we can try to rationalize it by saying that he’s unattractive because he was actually deeply insecure and try-hard, but I think that’s just the No True Scotsman Fallacy.
That’s why I say that I think that attractiveness is actually an important root of romantic success. If you exceed the attractiveness bar (which, yes, doesn’t have to be that high), then “confidence” can be performed as aloofness (“he knows what he’s worth”), or as a very direct approach (“he knows what he wants”). If you don’t meet the standard, then an aloof attitude just means you blend into the background, and the direct approach means you’re the annoying guy at the bar.
If you know your worth and you want to meet people, you don’t sit in the corner waiting for someone to see it.
A confident person does what they believe will lead to success. They take their shot and they will miss more often than not, but they hit at times.
A confident person doesn’t care if people are weirdos about them taking a shot. Because they are confident enough to see that the weirdos are the ones that think it is weird to attempt for love.
Confidence is not being the loudest voice, and taking up space. Confidence is to accept disharmony, if they are right.
Of course, the other person only see the actions and technically it could be a performance, but you will fail to perform it if you don’t actually feel it.
Ehh, narcissists are notorious for performing confidence perfectly, even though they don’t feel it. On the other hand, over the years, I’ve seen many men who don’t meet the attractiveness standard have plenty of what would be called confidence, if an attractive man had it. And a few very attractive men who are shy and awkward get plenty of women pursuing them nonetheless.
I get what you’re saying, but as a relentlessly intellectual person, I have to point out that it’s not one’s attitude or internal feeling that makes “confidence” a successful romantic strategy. To make this obvious, say, for example, I know who I am and what I want, and I know my value, and I go to a party and sit quietly in the corner waiting for everybody to recognize it. That actually might work for exceptionally physically-attractive people: “Ooh— who’s that mysterious stranger over there? I wanna find out more about him!” For most of us, it would result in being ignored or just left alone. It’s not enough to feel it, confidence must ultimately be performed somehow.
And, even when it’s performed, it depends a great deal on the other person’s perception. We can probably all think of examples of people who have unwarranted confidence in themselves, the people who know in their hearts with much conviction that they are the greatest, while the rest of us just see them as pathetic or annoying. In a romantic context, he’s the guy at the bar who just knows that the women want to sleep with him. If they do, we can say that he was confident. If they don’t, we can try to rationalize it by saying that he’s unattractive because he was actually deeply insecure and try-hard, but I think that’s just the No True Scotsman Fallacy.
That’s why I say that I think that attractiveness is actually an important root of romantic success. If you exceed the attractiveness bar (which, yes, doesn’t have to be that high), then “confidence” can be performed as aloofness (“he knows what he’s worth”), or as a very direct approach (“he knows what he wants”). If you don’t meet the standard, then an aloof attitude just means you blend into the background, and the direct approach means you’re the annoying guy at the bar.
If you know your worth and you want to meet people, you don’t sit in the corner waiting for someone to see it.
A confident person does what they believe will lead to success. They take their shot and they will miss more often than not, but they hit at times.
A confident person doesn’t care if people are weirdos about them taking a shot. Because they are confident enough to see that the weirdos are the ones that think it is weird to attempt for love.
Confidence is not being the loudest voice, and taking up space. Confidence is to accept disharmony, if they are right.
Yup, confidence is a performance, not a feeling.
Nah it is a feeling. It just impacts your behavior. Like fear impacts your behavior, or anger… Or hunger…
“Confidence” in the context of romantic success, I mean.
Of course, the other person only see the actions and technically it could be a performance, but you will fail to perform it if you don’t actually feel it.
Ehh, narcissists are notorious for performing confidence perfectly, even though they don’t feel it. On the other hand, over the years, I’ve seen many men who don’t meet the attractiveness standard have plenty of what would be called confidence, if an attractive man had it. And a few very attractive men who are shy and awkward get plenty of women pursuing them nonetheless.
You want to believe what you want to believe. That is okay, but remember that you made that decision.