For what its worth im a cis white dude and have largely the same experience, I think those apps just absolutely suck. I find Tinder is especially bad for that, fairly certain a significant portion of accounts are bots. Maybe try Hinge ? I have had more luck at least having decent conversations on there, though honestly I think it is just incredibly hard to actually form a connection with someone on a dating app. I find myself unable to maintain interest in talking to someone over text but also not overly interested in going on a date with anyone I talk to. Might just be a me thing but I feel like maybe it is true for a lot of people.