I’m disappointed in the Passover story for omitting God’s 11th plague: bombing the shit out of the Egyptians. I’m even more upset about them taking this quote out of context:

You shall not oppress a stranger, since you yourselves know the feelings of a stranger, for you also were strangers in the land of Egypt.

It should actually end with “Unless you have lots of explosives and military equipment being supplied to you. In that case, you should probably terrorize a vibrant and colorful population into becoming radicalized by your abuses and then genocide those people because loony politicians believe that they can personally kick-start the rapture.”