I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
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"Thing will get worse. Then better. Then worse. Then better again.
This is life; and I’ll not lie to you and say that every day will be filled with sunshine.
But there will be sunshine, and that is a very different thing to say. That is truth.
I promise you, you will be warm again."
❤️ Brandon Sanderson
Solid book
You might not have anyone close to you to talk to right now, but you did choose to post here and because of that you’re not alone. I’ll talk to ya for as long as you need to if you want. I don’t have any experience with the trans part, but I’ve been homeless with absolutely nothing before - by all rights I shouldn’t even be here, but I am.
Many of us have been in some variation of your situation and most of us make it back to some semblance of a normal life. It’s hard to not give in to despair but it doesn’t have to be impossible. I’m not going to say you’re too young to give in to that despair because I know that shit doesn’t help, but things do change when one gets older. The perspective can be refreshing.
I’ll add to this because I haven’t seen it mentioned… the fact that you posted here at all is telling. I’m no expert in this subject but isn’t reaching out for help a pretty strong indicator that you don’t want to do it, you’re looking for reasons to go on? Like, nobody really wants to, but sometimes the pain of life is just too much and people feel like they can’t take it anymore. So it’s not that you want to die, is that you don’t want to feel such pain. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, stranger.
22 is rough. I’m 36 and me and all my friends agree that early to mid 20s were by far the most turbulent time of our lives, emotionally. I hope you’re able to make it to the better years ahead.
The best of life happens after 25. I know it feels impossibly far, but yes, it gets better, and yes, you have made it through the worst of it. It gets even better after 30 by the way.
Please, if you have a moment of clarity, go to a hospital and get checked in. I know that a mental health hold is some miserable bullshit, but it can save your life. Don’t buy a gun. Just don’t do it. Stay home.
Blowing your brains out usually works, but it’s not foolproof. You’d be amazed what a person can survive. As bad as your situation may be I guarantee it’ll be worse with half your head missing. Get some help to find the way to living your best life. You can do it.
So what your saying is don’t bet on a single solution, so like take pills too?
To be horribly blunt, attempted suicide by pills is a wonderful way to put yourself through feeling worse than you ever thought possible, a shit ton of throwing up, and then more feeling worse than you thought you could until you eventually survive anyway.
And that’s if no one finds you in the long amount of time it would take, calls an ambulance, and you end up getting your stomach pumped and racking up more debt in medical bills while still feeling like shit, and now being placed on suicide watch.
There are incredibly few fool proof ways to commit suicide. Even less that won’t cause you to suffer immensely the whole time until it’s over. The body instinctively wants to survive despite any of your personal feelings.
As an aside, you should check out the mutual assistance community on lemmy. They may be able to assist you a bit financially to help you improve your situation.
Generally my idea would be to take the pills than shoot myself afterwards, mainly the goal would be making me a hard case for paramedics, unable to figure out what to treat first.
Still not guaranteed, and then you’d likely go to your family to be cared for due to being deemed mentally unfit
Pills didn’t work for my grandfather but the intensive course of Lithium and ECT did. He was a different man afterwards.
Please don’t let the assholes who make you feel like shit manage to outlive you. You’re the kind of person I want living a long, happy life. Is there a short term goal you can sieze upon to just hold on a bit longer?
There’s an election coming up. Your vote matters more than it ever has before. Is there anyone you justifiably despise? Plan to dance on their grave. Don’t give into despair. Maybe get fucking mad about something, grab hold, and fight like hell.
There nothing, theirs nothing. I have nothing I’m looking forward to
It gets better.
Fr, some day OP will look back on all this as an inspiring story of how things got before they turned it around. Just gotta get through to that point, day by day.
Is there something you want, but it seems out of reach?
Never make important decisions when you’re depressed. You can’t think clearly in that state and you are only able to see the doom. It’s called tunnel vision and it makes you feel like there’s objectively no hope (which is rarely true). Instead you should take methodical steps to improve your situation. Pretend a friend is in your same situation and think about what you might do for them. Make warm tea. Watch media that’s gentle on you. Feel the warm sun. Focus on making sure you’re fueling your body with something. The money will be fine. 1k is not a lot of money and you can deal with it later if you can’t deal with it now. Credit scores can be repaired.
I have nothing, no one will make me feel warm and safe and help me. That’s the truth. I’m alone.
You have to be that person for yourself. I find that when I am spiraling I have to put myself on a regimen. Eat at least twice even if it’s just crackers. Take a walk around the block. Watch some clouds or some tree branches or some water. My only job is to exist, for now. Nothing anyone thinks about me is important. Other things can wait. I’m not the only one in this situation. My depression is a valid reaction to the world but it is not permanent.
How do you afford a gun? In this economy‽
Credit Card
What the debt collector gonna do, send notices to my grave LMFAO
Shit, I can’t even get one of those.
Eventually I won’t be able too either.
Yesterday sucked, last week sucked, last month sucked, last year sucked, the last decade sucked. Nothing in my life has ever worked out.
It do be like that sometimes.
Did you know that it is a survival mechanism to focus on negative things and downplay positive things?
e.g., you have a roof over your head. That worked out!!
Oh, but there’s an issue there the roommates suck. Does that mean it’s all bust, and nothing worked? No, but your brain thinks it’s a good idea to treat it that way.
But it’s not 😡 🧠
Sorry you’re in this headspace.
So update, it really didn’t. I feel kinda insecure over that.
So happy to see you post again! Hope today is a little bit better than yesterday.
This rules
YOU MATTER. Big internet hugs to you.
At the end of the day I’m really small, there are billions of other people, no one will notice me gone in the grand scheme of things.
Look at all these people who don’t know you at all trying to offer you help.
Yeah we are all insignificant on a long timeline. Who cares? That’s the ultimate freedom to do what you want with your life.
I’ve been in a mental hospital for depression twice. I understand a bit of where you’re coming from (I’m a straight cis man so I can’t speak to the rest). I’m telling you IT DOES GET BETTER. Hang in there!
Small things matter! And nobody else is any more or less important than you are. People are just small in general, and that’s a good thing!
I’ll noticeb if you’re home. Everyone else commenting here is going to notice you’re gone too. I’m sure there are people around that are going to notice as well. You might not have found your place, your people, or your purpose yet but that’s fine. There’s time enough for that, but only if you’re still here.
But who gives a shit? It simply doesn’t matter how small we all are compared to the universe. Live is about living it. And even if your life currently sucks it will allways get better. Especially at the age of 22 everything can change very quickly.
And let this fucked up world have another win? Fuck that. You’re stronger than that. If for no other reason, keep going out of spite in the face of everything you stand against. You can only be a middle finger to life’s bullshit if you live.
Yea I’m with this guy. Fuck the trolls. Fuck everyone. Show them by proving that you don’t need to fit in their system to thrive.
Everyday I keep going worse shit happens, today I was yelled at by a cop for walking around. He nearly assaulted me. Shit doesn’t get any better once so ever.
You only get one chance at the experience of life, don’t throw it away. I will die of cancer soon. Somewhere out there is your other half. Be patient enough to find them.
Didn’t say it would get better. Those people you talk about want you to give up. Don’t give those pieces of shit what they want.
While I support anyone’s right to end their own life at the time of their own choosing, I have a feeling that right now might not be your time.
If you’re in NJ or right across the border in East PA, DE, or NYC hit me up and we could see a movie, chill, or just talk.
I’m not going to tell you not to kill yourself, but before you do, might I suggest traveling to a see a different perspective/culture. Even if it causes some debt, so what. Like you said, what are the debt collectors going to do once your gone. Personally I’d go to a tropical paradise. Better yet, Come to Madison wi and we can play pinball. There is a great trans community here and 4 awesome arcades.
I shit my pants and locked my keys in my work truck and blocked the entrance to a gas station on a hot day in L.A once and nobody spoke English. Watery diarrhea running down my leg and I’m sweating while a bunch of men in work trucks tell at me in Spanish. Sun beating down ok me for about
So…2 months ago I had to find my best friend of 18 years, my brother, my roommate, my best man…In his closet, strung up. I was supposed to be driving him to his trans-sisters birthday, instead; I have to find him like that.
I haven’t been able to sleep, eat, dream, walk around the house at night. I had to take a week off work to sort his life out and was fired because of it. I haven’t been able to get back into work due to the trauma. What a selfish thing it is to make someone you care about find you like that. He left behind his best friend, his sister, his cat that I had to give away, his rotting car I just repaired for him out of my pocket, and give it away to his now widowed fiancé. He broke so many souls with his decision. I’m always angry. When I talk to him in my house now in the pitch of the night, I’m always angry. His alter of flowers, his obituary, his picture I have on my shelf, I see every day, makes me so angry.
He’s not in any pain anymore, he left the house a mess for an inspection, he left his shit everywhere, he left everything, because it was too hard for him.
He was selfish, and he’s an asshole, and I will be angry at him until my time is done here, and I can kick his ass again.
Don’t do that to people. Don’t fuck up everyone else that has to pick up the pieces of your decision. It’s selfish, and it’s cruel.
Stick around, you can only go up from here.
I planning on leaving and commiting alone, an automatic 911 call will be placed which will give them the location of my body.
Hi there. We live in weird, frightening times. What can we do to help you get through this? I think you’re worth trying for.
Curious about how to set up an automatic 911 call. Is there like a phone call timer app thing?
Likely a heart monitor plugged into a python script would work. Than have some basic tts read “Hello, this an automated voice message, Skylar is now deceased, heart rate was recorded flat at {{time}} the location is {{location}}” ideally I’m gonna pick a parking garage which isn’t active the day I’m planning on ending it.
What’s alone about that?! The 911 operator thats gets a post mortem call they couldn’t do anything at all to save you?! They have to go home to their family knowing they failed at their job today, they couldn’t save a life.
Or the first response units that have to pick your fucking brains out of the carpet and walls? They have to find you there like that?! The paramedics that have to lift your frozen corpse onto a stretcher and get you out of your house with bits of your head falling into their truck?!
What about the coroner that has to call everyone you know, your parents, and I tell them what they discovered? They need to have this conversation with all of your friends and extended family! Then I hope they have the money and wherewithal to get your funeral sorted through all their turmoil and suffering.
Don’t be so fucking selfish, I wish to FUCK I could tell my best friend just how much of a fucking mess his selfish decision was, how many people he hurt they he probably didn’t think he would, how much damned effort goes into sorting out your life after you’re gone.
Are you that selfish of a person that you don’t give a fuck just how much bullshit you inflict on others with your decision? “Fuck it it’s not my problem anymore, nothing is” Over what, a grand in debt and a run down car? You went through the whole journey of self discovery to become who you are, to come to terms with who you are, in the most accepting time in human history, just for you to fuck it up in the end cause it’s a bit hard? That’s weak. Do better, live you fucking life, be the best you you can be, come out on top.
You sound like the selfish one, demanding someone live just so that you can be comfortable and unbothered.
They deal with death everyday, it comes with the job. And also for the cops are fuck heads that harass black people and ruin people lives, they deserve to see a dead fucking body
Well according to https://youtu.be/d6iQrh2TK98?t=723 you should make decisions after you’ve experience 37% of possibilities, and assuming you’re in the US, the avg. lifespan is gonna be ~75 years -> 37% of 75 is 27 and 3/4. So mathematically speaking you should wait 5-6 more years just to make sure you didn’t miss something.
I feel like the odds of things getting better are the same as if I bought a lottery ticket and won. Statistically speaking things will continue to get worse.
I can relate, so I’m not going to tell you things get better. You probably wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe you.
Just to say, you’re not alone, I understand why you unhappy, it’s perfectly understandable that you’re angry/sad/tired. The world is shit. People are shit. Life is shit.
If I was to give you advice, I’d perhaps say buy a lottery ticket for a few bucks, pop it in a drawer. My logic has always been, that given my luck, I’d probably kill myself only for my ticket to win the lottery. One last cosmic joke. So I use this to delay for a few days or weeks. That or I book a ticket for a movie or make plans from a week from now.
That and distract yourself with tv, games, audiobooks or whatever. I’d say read a book, but I suspect that like me, that’d be hard to focus on. Anything that stops you thinking and offers an escape. Anything to delay for another few days or a week or two. Oh, and spite also helps in the short term. Outliving the bastards who made or make your life shit. Maybe there’s a hateful politician you dislike who’s old and might die soon. Might as well delay a few more weeks for that. Wouldn’t want to miss them dying.
My comment probably didn’t help. I probaby worded it poorly. But I hope you know you’re not alone. That people do want you to succeed. I wish I could give you a hug over the internet, that it would help, or perhaps make a plan to go to Disneyland or some shit to distract ourselves, but this is the internet so that’s not possible.
