I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
Life used to be extremely bad for me mentally due to mental illness, traumas and a really bad life situation I thought would never change. I planned to kill myself several times in the past. Those plans weren’t abstract; I knew exaclty how I would do it.
My head starts spinning when I think about how close I was to actually doing it. It spins because, while I have to deal with lots of bad stuff that sadly won’t ever go away, I certainly don’t want to kill myself today.
I think you should consider the possibility that things might very well get better in the future even if it doesn’t seem like it right right now. Killing yourself is permanent. While you won’t be able to regret it, you very well might be grateful you didn’t do it. I sure am.