I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
I don’t know if there are any words that you will find comforting, so I will tell you how I cope when find myself in a spiral.
The universe is astoundingly, massively, stupid huge and you and I are here for only a fraction of a second compared to the life of a planet or a star. You matter because you are matter, but we are all insignificant and nobody is any more important than anyone else. You can kill yourself if that is truly what you want, or you could wait a little while longer and death will come for you soon enough. Try to realize just how amazing life is and consider how lucky you are to be here to experience it. I want to see what happens next, so I think I will hang out a little while longer. I can always die tomorrow.
If that doesn’t help you; try to be thankful that you are not Sam Bankman-Fried! That guy’s life really sucks!