Some of it’s also probably situation based.
If you hit on every single person of the gender that you like at one gym, they’ll probably start to feel like you really just want just anyone who will say yes. They’ll probably feel like you don’t like them for them, and that you’re just trying to keep your bed warm. Most people who want relationships want to be with someone who likes them individually as a person. Try not to write “scripts” for the situation in your head too much, either. If you do, it might crash and burn the second that someone goes off of that “script”.
It’s kind of tragic how all of this has become. A relationship likely won’t fix any problems you might have with yourself, nor would it fix most of the other aspects of your life. A partner will also have their own needs and wants, and you should try to have room to provide some of that before you start dating.
Don’t listen to guys like Tate. If he really had good advice, more people from his fan base would be in a happy relationship now, no? He makes money by making you continue to watch his videos. That’s all he cares about. He’s giving you bad advice so he can keep making money off of your sadness. That’s not a bro thing to do.
Don’t follow the plot of any rom-coms. That behaviour is usually a fantastic way to get a restraining order and absolutely ruin any chances you might have had with that person.
Find the little things that make you happy. Gardening? MTG? Video games? Hockey? Drawing? MMA? Take the time to properly enjoy those things that you love with the people who are already around you. It will help build some of that confidence. Let youself be passionate about your hobbies sometimes. It’s ok, I promise.
Try not to worry too much if you mess up or if you ruin your chances with one person. There are over 8 billion people on earth, so there’s almost always someone else you can try with. NO ONE succeeds 100% of the time, and that is more than OK. That is human.
Don’t beat yourself up over not succeeding right away. Unless you are literally currently on your death bed, you still have time.
Outside of the dating stuff, be kind to youself, and try to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Self care isn’t just fitness and healthy eating. Sometimes could be having pizza in the bath, sometimes it might be playing DnD over multiple continents, sometimes it might be watching cartoons, and sometimes it could even be something like skincare. Your happiness is important, and you should treat it as such.
As long as it doesn’t harm anyone else in the process, please do what you need to do to feel happy. Life is too short to pause your happiness for someone who hasn’t shown up yet. Life is too short to wait to improve things until you meet someone who hasn’t shown up yet.
You deserve happiness, and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better. Find happiness despite what life might throw at you. Try to find joy even in chaos, and always remember that bad feelings usually don’t last forever. You can get through these hard times.
Try not to write “scripts” for the situation in your head too much, either.
How else do you expect me to interact with people?
Take the time to properly enjoy those things that you love with the people who are already around you.
Who?
If you don’t have anyone, then look for hobby groups. There’s groups out there for almost any hobby, so you can get to know people through that. Doesn’t even have to be in person, if the thought of meeting new people irl triggers your anxiety. And if you’re bad at talking to people then you need to practice, fail and learn from your mistakes.
If you have the desire to improve, you’ll manage. Just take it slow and don’t force yourself to get into very uncomfortable or new situations right away. Like, for example, big parties.
Over time, you’ll get better at improvising during conversations and you’ll get more confident. And if there’s people who try to shit on you for trying your best, don’t worry. They’re actually a lot more insecure then you’ll ever be at that point.
There’s groups out there for almost any hobby, so you can get to know people through that.
This advice only works for normal people. I’ve been going to the weightlifting gym and the bouldering gym at least twice a week for 3 years now, and I didn’t meet anyone.
To be fair, I wouldn’t necessarily consider the gym a place to meet people either. Most people there just do their thing and go home. 😅
If you really want to connect with people there you could ask someone to either spot you or ask them about something else related to the gym. Although I would consider that pretty advanced already. Sometimes a simple greeting whenever you’re there or some small talk is enough practice for a while. Even if it’s just the person at the reception or the person that you see there all the time. It helps.
Personally, I was forced to get good at talking to people through my job, but I used to get literal panic attacks before making phone calls. I still stutter from time to time, but only when I’m not focused (which is hard for me too lol). Also, therapy helps a lot for certain things, group therapy can be good too (also can be great for meeting new people).
I sometimes compare life in general to an Elder Scrolls game in my mind. You start out with shit stats, maybe some bonus stats. And then you have to work on each of those things to get them to a decent level so you can fend for yourself. If I achieve something difficult, I sometimes imagine myself leveling up. Sounds, pop-ups, the whole thing. 😁
Sorry for the wall of text btw, it happened so quickly lol.
technically its confidence and hygiene.
Hygiene, manners, fitness, generally not being a creep.
“fitness”
Highly exaggerated by the masculinist movement, I know many people who aren’t in good shape and never were that have a relationship/family life that most would envy
Also being ok with rejection
I love seeing how this crusty bastard devolves over time. I don’t know that anyone can make him look any worse at this point.
people who unironically post this shit are usually not ugly, just lack self esteem and think self-deprecating humour is funny (usually isn’t) and should listen to the advice and probably also learn that being rejected a lot is normal and it don’t mean you’re ugly to everyone unless you’re an actual asshole to everyone.
Basically the contrast was hilarious and it seemed like a good shit post
Are we sure it’s the contrast and not the hot gigachad that made you attracted to this meme?
WHY ARE WE INCEL POSTING
Are we? I hate how everyone who struggles with relationships is instantly called an incel.
Well, this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people. When how you look is not the be all end all of dating.
This general concept of one’s “biologically ordained appearance” being incompatible with finding love and relationships is closely tied with incel ideology. The “black pill” is generally used to denote that you’re biologically and immutably so unattractive that you will never be able to “compete in the sexual marketplace.” Felt gross just typing that. It’s also attached to the conspiracy theory of “hypergamy,” that you’re so unattractive that even women of “comparable conventional attractiveness” won’t ever date you.
The message of the meme, that someone is so unattractive they can not date anyone at all, is not explicitly incel ideology, but that notion is closely tied to it. In all likelihood this meme was made by someone in the incel community or who regularly consumes incel content.
this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people
There are behavioral studies showing this to be completely true. As someone who is honest about how I probably wouldn’t date an unattractive person, I freely admit this tracks; and, unlike incels, I absolutely don’t blame either gender for this fact. It’s just how our brains are wired.
ohh is there also a study defining exactly how ugly YOU are? or maybe you have some mental health issues and this is just more self deprecating talk?
that’s the issue here, mother fuckers keep saying “study study study fact fact fact ugly ugly ugly” but that speaks nothing to their own situation. you can abuse facts and research, and I see it literally every day: depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless
