Title.

  • Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    5 months ago

    I’m 62 so this happened a long time ago. My mom didn’t like novacaine so she found a dentist who didn’t use it (I found that out later as an adult). For whatever reason I had 15 cavities one year. I couldn’t stand it but somehow I got to the last day of many and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t willingly open my mouth for that pain, I just couldn’t.

    The dentist took that hooky little metal instrument dentist’s have, held it near my cheek, and said, “If you don’t open your mouth, I’m going to go in RIGHT. THROUGH. HERE.” Those last three words were punctuated by him poking my cheek with that little hooky instrument; once for each word.

    I opened my mouth in the worst fear and feeling of abandonment I’ve ever felt. I now need nitrous and my wife holding my hand to get through a cleaning. Dr. Fryer. A sadist.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      People don’t understand how much they break people sometimes. I’m sure I’ve done it too without realizing. I wish there was a way past it but I guess it’s just life.

  • Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    I had a old boomer call for my hanging when I was a teen.

    I’m brown. I am minding my business at a store. some boomer said I should “Remember there’s cameras in this store.” Like wtf? I said, “Those cameras are for you.”

    And before I know it, he’s flipping out calling me a thug and that I’m lucky to be alive because in five minutes, he can have his friends lynch me.

    Security guard came over and immediately took the Boomer’s side. And told me to either leave or cops will be called.

    Welcome to America.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      Yeah I believe. It’s pretty much like that where I live. But now it’s the LGBT community.

      It’s cool how we’re just a pop politics leverage tool. /S

      They fuck up the youths lives before they can even understand life.

      My mom brags about how she likes black people better then the “removed” and “removed”. It makes me want to kms sometimes.

  • NovaPrime@lemmy.ml
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    5 months ago

    Lived through and ethnic cleansing genocide. I always laugh when western keyboard warriors start talking about how war is “needed” or “coming” and larping out their movie fantasies. Real war is nothing like TV. Its hell all around. There are no victors in war. Everyone loses.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      True true. Even though I do express my feelings like that sometimes. It’s more expression that should be transfered to art.

    • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
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      5 months ago

      War is sometimes needed; it’s a necessary response to aggression. The genocides in Bosnia? Without a war, they would have murdered all the Croats. One of my teachers in school was a survivor of the Bosnian war, and her family absolutely would have been killed had they not gotten out. Without the Allied forces waging war against the Axis, Jews in Europe would have been completely eliminated.

      The option to war is to curl up and hope that you can survive the bear mauling you.

      • NovaPrime@lemmy.ml
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        5 months ago

        War is never needed though, is my point. Yes unprompted aggression deserves a response (I’d never advocate for just laying down and taking the fascist boot), but war itself only produces destruction, broken homes, and broken families.

        My comment was more about those who have not been through an actual war but romanticise it. There is nothing romantic about it.

  • Count Regal Inkwell@pawb.social
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    5 months ago

    Most likely society’s response to the time I was sexually harrassed.

    Like it wasn’t straight up rape, but I got touched in bad places and boundaries disrespected. I was 16, the girl doing it to me was 16 too. To this day I have no idea if she was into me or if she just got off on how I’d completely bluescreen whenever she did it as a powertrip.

    So anyway, being a teenager and certified “good kid”, I didn’t fight about it, I just knew I hated it. So I went to the adults in my school for guidance… And got laughed out of the principal’s office. Because “I was a boy, of course I liked it and I had only gone to the principal as a way to humblebrag”.

    Got a similar reaction from the other teen boys.

    So anyway it took me 10 full years to even start opening myself back up to human touch in general, as I spent that decade terrified of human touch in general.

  • thowaway@discuss.online
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    5 months ago

    I had no job, no money and no family. I was young and had no identity documents, and was knocked back from government services because I couldn’t prove who I was. I took the first safe shelter I could. With the benefit of many years experience, I know there were other options but at the time it seemed like the only option. There are ways of accessing help without ID, but I didn’t know where to look.

    It was a small, dodgy outbuilding at the back of someone’s property. It was clad by nothing but tin. The wind would lift the rusty roof up and slam it down with a deafening crash for hours at a time. No insulation, no services of any kind. I slept on an old mattress, just laid on the floor. It had a slope to it and the springs were poking through. I had a single, sweat-stained blanket.

    I lived there long enough to experience both an unusually cold winter and a heatwave. I remember the sound of the frozen grass crunching beneath my feet. It was the first time I’d ever experienced temperatures that low, having grown up in a hot climate.

    The owner would occasionally let me use the facilities inside their house, but only ever during the day when it was unlocked. They gave me enough food to survive which they’d leave outside for me. We’d have a very brief exchange maybe once a week. Apart from that I had a total absence of social interaction. The property was isolated if you didn’t have a car - which I did not.

    It was a trap. It seemed better than the streets, because I had relative safety and a roof over my head. But it also left me totally unable to change the situation I was living in. I couldn’t go anywhere to find help, I couldn’t contact anyone. I didn’t want to leave because the alternative seemed worse. I was stuck.

    The owner had meant well. They had their own mental health issues and, even if they had been high-functioning, they had no idea what to do. They were a hoarder and the inside of their home was somehow filthier than my “living” space. The situation was a result of the contradictions between their heartfelt desire to help, their own anxieties and other mental demons. They were trapped too, in their own way, and had barely more contact with the outside world than me.

    Isolation destroys your mind. You can’t think straight, you lose your ability to solve even basic problems. You become paranoid. You hallucinate. Your memory is obliterated, not just for the period of the isolation but the memories formed before and after too. I had to piece together a time line of major events in my life from a couple of years before and after from little scraps I kept.

    I lost my inner monologue during that time. The voice in your head. My thoughts became sensations and movement, like water being poured into a network of branching channels and spreading amongst them. They’d remain that for years and even more than a decade own it’s still not the ‘same’.

    I was almost non-verbal at the end - finding even a few basic words, to say “yes” or “no” to a question was exhausting. My manner of speaking is not the same as it was and my accent isn’t quite like anyone else who was born here. For at least a year later I was still losing time, hours or days, and was unsure of how I got there.

    I was aware I was losing my mind throughout the process. I’d try to force structure and logic upon what I was processing but it doesn’t work. The information you’re receiving is already corrupted, then it gets further twisted in your mind. There is nothing more terrifying than being trapped in your own mind.

    Eventually the owner, in a more lucid moment, managed to get mental health services to come out. I felt so betrayed at the time. I was terrified of them, unfamiliar faces after so much time alone. I was deeply ashamed. I’d come to realize this act saved me, but I hated the owner for it at the time.

  • SoleInvictus@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    Testicular torsion. As a teenager, I woke up early in the morning with the worst back and stomach pain I had ever felt in my life. I remember thinking I might be sick, vomiting, then passing out from the pain. My parents found me later that morning because I was delirious and moaning. They took me to the hospital and it was fixed.

    Just kidding! My parents are shit bags so they told me I just had the flu and I was being dramatic. After my testicle swelled up to over double the size later that day, they called our family doctor who said I probably had a hydrocele and he’d look at it when he got back from vacation. For the record, mine was textbook testicular torsion, my doctor was as idiotically negligent as my parents.

    The pain again became excruciating that evening and I was exhausted from lack of sleep, so I started yelling and demanding my parents take me to the hospital, which they did the next morning. There was TV to be watched, they couldn’t bother with taking care of their children. The ER determined my testicle was quite dead. Surgery was scheduled for that evening and I’ve had one testicle since. Get fucked, mom and dad.

  • Chainweasel@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    When I was 12 I hid under the couch while my Grandpa violently beat my grandma to death over the course of about 6hrs overnight.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I’ve experienced some wild things as an adult and had/have a hard time with it. I probably wouldn’t have made it as kid. It’s hard enough as an adult… The extreme confusion and betrayal is all consuming. Then you have to live day to day around people that have no idea of how real life can get.

      • Chainweasel@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        He died of Covid in prison in 2020 after serving 20 years of his life sentence, thank God.
        He had been fighting for parole and never got it.
        He was a psychopath and very well could have hunted us down for putting him in jail.

  • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    5 months ago

    I’ll just go with a tame one (Edit: I have a lot to pick from and most are really hard to put into text due to the trauma)

    My firsthand experience with police brutality

    For context I was 15 at the time and still in highschool

    When I was homeless I slept on some benches in my hometown and one night I slept on the bench behind the local library because it was one of the few that was covered and it was raining that day.

    I was woken up by being tazed by a police officer.

    He was screaming and I couldn’t do a damn thing because I was getting tazed.

    After finally falling off the bench he stopped but was screaming that he could kill me and leave my body in the woods (the town is basically right on the border of a national forest) and no one would find me.

    He was screaming that if I didn’t leave he would.

    I took off like a bat out of hell.

    He followed me with his car from a distance for a while before finally taking off in a different direction. He he took off I stopped walking down the streets and made my way to my school through less conventional means and slept there that night under one of the buildings.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      That’s awful. I’ve seen some cops tuck their tails. It’s just a paycheck for them or even worse a power trip like you’re case.

      Are you American?

      • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        5 months ago

        Yup, I’m American

        Small Town cops are a special kind of power tripping bastard

        Basically think of an area that is really red already and then the people who are those people’s bullies become cops

  • Pantherina@feddit.de
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    5 months ago

    I met a homeless guy once and we talked. He told me about a time when at the train station there was someone laying on the ground, in the winter, nearly dying in front of a Cash Terminal.

    People just stepped over him and were annoyed, while that person nearly died. He told me they had surveillance footage though and many of them where sued for denial of assistance.

    The same guy had a huge fresh wound in his face. He was at the train station seeing 4 people attacking a single person. He went to them to see what was going on, had a weird feeling and turned around, someone smashed him in the head.

    That was 4:00 in the morning, in the Winter at about 4°C. He woke up at 10:00, nobody helped him, and he nearly died.

    He went to the hospital on his own to get stitches. A paramedic gave him his reflecting orange jacket, so that nobody would ever overlook him again…

    Also told me how people would shit and piss directly next to where he had to sleep.

    Nobody deserves to be homeless. This is so fucking sick.

  • BradleyUffner@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    I was 6 miles into a very technical mountain bike ride, when I fell and broke my collar bone. No one had any cell service. Hiking out of there was pretty hellish.

      • BradleyUffner@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        I went mountain biking for about a year after that, but then I switched to road bikes exclusively. I found myself focusing way too much on every rock and root while mountain biking that I just couldn’t enjoy the ride anymore.

  • Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    5 months ago

    Public school. Everyone hated me, I never made any close friends, I was almost killed by my classmates more than once. One time I was pushed down the stairs another time I was shoved in front of an oncoming bus. I’ve become permanently depressed and have deep trust problems because of it. Years later when I was holding someone I loved in my arms as we fell asleep watching something together I realized that I felt happy for the first time in my life. Before then I had felt amused, vindicated, or excited but never happy. It’s such a strange thing to realize that you’ve never been happy once in your entire life and had just never realized because you had no way to know what you were missing.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      I relate to your feelings. In my twenties I took a small dose of mushrooms and had that same epiphany. It actually lasted for a few years and I was hopeful but then people still fucked with me. Now I’m back to being numb constantly. I hate when there’s a school shooting or some kid whyling out and society actually has to ask why? Society creates the people it hates.

  • Helix 🧬@feddit.de
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    5 months ago

    I survived a drug induced coma and since then my brain just misses a lot of cells. I once had a pretty high IQ and nowadays I can be happy I remembered to take my pills in the morning. The most I can do is a low level sysadmin job, for everything else I basically lack the brains.

    It’s not really something I have experienced in a past tense, I experience this shit every single day. Hate to be ridiculed for my bad memory especially. My coworkers don’t know that and regularly make fun of me.

    • db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      5 months ago

      Oh man, that sounds terrible. It’s one thing to be at that intelligence, but to know you used to be smarter and just ain’t anymore sounds horrifying. Can I ask is it a memory thing or do you legit feel less intelligent?

      • Helix 🧬@feddit.de
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        5 months ago

        I don’t only feel less intelligent, I am less intelligent. My IQ dropped about 20%, which is noticeable by everyone including me.

        The most annoying thing is that it feels like my brain is underclocked. Some Ritalin helped for a while with that but I had to stop taking it because of the risk for sudden death in conjunction with my other meds and conditions, which is something I wouldn’t like to experience.

        However even with enhancing drugs I still am not the 80% which my IQ test says, I feel more like half of what I used to be. It’s really detrimental to self worth knowing that I used to be smart and now I’m “just average” even though years of therapy told me it’s OK to be average.

        • db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          5 months ago

          I can imagine! It’s like an athlete getting lame. They can still function but not at the level they’re used to. Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level

          • Helix 🧬@feddit.de
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            5 months ago

            It’s like an athlete getting lame.

            Oh wow, that’s a pretty cool analogy. Stealing that :D

            Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level

            They even sometimes tell me how smart I am and that… triggers me even more. Bitch, I’m dumb, if you think that’s smart you really offend me. Deep down I know that they mean well and think they’re giving me a compliment, but it still stings.

  • indepndnt@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    Being a child with an ear infection, rather than take me to a doctor to get antibiotics, my parents had my grandmother come over to pray for me and she told me that Jesus was my physician. I just remember wondering why my physician wasn’t fucking doing anything about it.

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    5 months ago

    Alcohol withdrawal after months of insane 24-7 drunkeness. I was in a pretty bad place for a number of years. I’ve gone through withdrawals like this multiple times, usually when I was passed out and woke with no booze just after the legal cutoff for sale at night. There is nothing worse feeling on the planet. No illness or injury (that I’ve experienced) can compare.

    • ULS@lemmy.mlOP
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      5 months ago

      I drink but don’t really get hangovers anymore. I think a medication I’m on has that effect.

      Because before the medication I would get bad hangovers, extreme agonizing depression and lock jaw. Even just a few drinks would leave me depressed for a week.