I try to read all the articles I post but for this one I noped out after 1 sentence. Enjoy!

  • muse@fedia.io
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    4 months ago

    “Hahah, oh The Onion, you sure have run out of ideas, this article didn’t even have a punchline.”

    It was then that Muse realized it was in fact, not The Onion.

      • enkers@sh.itjust.works
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        4 months ago

        Honestly, a part of me was a bit disappointed that’s not what it was. I was so invested and curious to learn why that could even happen, only to find it didn’t.

        Glad he’s ok-ish, though.

    • herrcaptain@lemmy.ca
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      4 months ago

      Yeah. I don’t want to say I’m disappointed, because that would suck even more for the guy, but I will say I’m a little underwhelmed.

      Also, what’s with that insane autoplay video in the article using stock video footage to tell the story? Have we sunk so low?

  • Wahots@pawb.social
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    4 months ago

    The headline makes it sound way worse than what happened. Dude is fine, just reopened a surgical wound with some bulging.

    • Fredselfish@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Basically doctors fucked up and removed staples too soon. They did this to my ex after our second son was born. Took the staples out and she almost died from sepsis.

  • Ms. ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml
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    4 months ago

    I just had surgery a few weeks ago that included robot arms going into my tummy. A few days ago I sneezed for the first time since and immediately screamed in pain. Sneezes are weirdly hard on the body it seems

    • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
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      4 months ago

      People have legit broken ribs from sneezing, also at least a few cases of snapping their own spines. I just discombobulate myself evertime I sneeze, getting punched in the face doesnt even do that.

      • Ms. ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml
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        4 months ago

        Yikes x.x

        I’ve never broken a rib but I do have a problem rib that likes to pop out of place sometimes. Usually from coughing but I’ve managed it a couple times from sneezes

    • Etterra@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      I’ve got somewhat oversized lungs - not like a medical condition, just what you could call “leather lungs.” So when I sneeze, it’s sometimes actually painful. It kinda sucks.

    • beebarfbadger@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      At least you won’t have that particular problem again until you read about somebody who sneezed someone else’s intestines out of his body.

  • celeste@kbin.earth
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    4 months ago

    I remember when a relative still had a feeding tube they were leaving in just in case and he accidently yanked it out. I believe we put paper towels and blue tape over it and he called the doctor. the doctor was like ‘oh it’s self sealing it’s fine’ and my relative was all ‘doc…please look at it…’ so we took him in and he got a proper bandage and told it did in fact look fine.

    This poor florida man…

  • HM05@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    “I also propose that we put a warning on all horseradish that clearly states that if you ingest an entire bottle, that you will blow out your sphincter. Also, if anyone knows anyone that recently died with an intact size 3 sphincter, please contact me as I am currently very low on the waiting list for a donor.”

    • Stan Smith