Granted. A loud voice, only you can hear, starts to answer every question you have ever had. Questions you never really cared about. Questions you never really wanted answered. Questions you don’t even remember having. All answered in maticulous details, often going so deep into historical or scientific details that new questions pop into your mind no matter how much you try to stop them. Not that it even matters. You no longer want the answers that relentlessly come, one after the other, with no context nor pause. It all becomes nonsensical noise that won’t stop. The voice booms through your head, drowning out all other sounds. Preventing you from holding down a job, communicating with others, or even sleeping. All you want is a moment of silence, a chance to sleep. You wonder if there is any way to stop your slide further into insanity. But you don’t have to wonder. You’ve already been told the answer. You know how to make it stop.
(mild shitpost answer)
Granted.
It only responds with “THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER”
Scientifically, that would probably be the most accurate answer to most questions.
Granted. Nobody else can see the creature, which usually appears as a spider crawling out of someone’s face or somewhere on your body. You have to ask the questions outloud so everyone just thinks you’re insane.
It lives in your ear, never stops talking, and answers your questions with as many words as possible.
Granted. It’s there and people can see it but every answer always ends with explaining how that will lead to the end of society.
Granted. It answers in languages you don’t understand. It’s exhausting to filter its voice out when you are asking somebody a question and want an actual answer. You eventually get tired of it and try not to ask questions. Your relationships slowly fall apart as the habit of non-reciprocal conversation sets in. Already marked as anti social, you’re eventually committed when you admit you don’t like talking to people and asking questions because of the voices. The doctors refuse to indulge your request for a linguist to see if somebody, anybody can understand what’s being said.
A small cricket jumps behind you everywhere you go. It psychically communicates to you but you can’t seem to talk back to it. But not because it can’t hear you. Indeed it answers every question you have. You find most questions aren’t things you really want answered. In fact you come to learn you have a lot more questions than you ever consciously realized. Every slight insecurity and uncertainty about yourself has a question behind it and now you receive an answer for each one of them, often in the affirmative.
Granted.
It follows you everywhere and tells you that it has no idea what the answer to your question is (which is precisely accurate)
Granted. It’s a gut parasite that also gives you irritable bowel disease.
Wish fulfilled. The creature only eats children under 5 years old, and requires daily feedings.
