I mean I thought I would make it this far… but I thought things would make more sense and I would understand what to do when I made it to here, I do not

I kinda fell into IT. You can get decent salary and benefits for work that’s at least intellectually stimulating. And there are a number of nontechnical roles if programming isn’t your thing.

I floated around several different jobs. Never found anything I liked so I decided to move back in with my parents so I can do the last few things I need to change careers/apply for physical therapy school, and I’m older than you.

I don’t know if there’s any otherworldly insight to it other than I just really love exercise and training.

When I was working other jobs, I felt like two different people. I had my job that I honestly didn’t give a flying fuck about, had no motivation, made me depressed and just couldn’t force myself to be interested in. I had to pretend to care while surrounded by people who did care.

And when I was doing my physical training for the sports I love I was/am a completely different person- much happier and learning new things because I care.

On mental health: I think not being in a career adjacent to my passions really, really hurt me. It’s not like I’ve solved my depression but I can wake up now with something to look forward to, a path that I actually want to walk on.

It was passion that I had to build on but there was always an interest in exercise even before I can say I developed it into a passion. I was previously going to college for physical therapy, changed direction, but built my passion and now coming back to it, it all seems to make sense. Maybe there is something you have enjoyed in that past that you can return to build on?

And the big thing I can say is try not to get too down. This isn’t uncommon nowadays for people around our ages.

Don’t think of these years as wasted years, but learning years. I always felt like I was spinning my wheels and there’s a lot of truth in that. My parents always wondering what I was doing etc., is a terrible burden. But maybe in a way, I wasnt ready to go down that road since I hadn’t the passion for it yet, and the world didn’t make sense to my neurodivergent brain because I hadn’t learned Marxism yet, either.

And I suppose while we’re at it (to use Marxist terms), my experiences and internal contradictions weren’t strong enough yet that they’d need to resolve themselves by producing a new decision to go back to school.

Right now, I’d say the biggest beneficial thing you can do is just experiment. Pick a few things that look interesting and find some beginner resources to dip your toes in. It’s important not to over-analyze and be too critical of these new pursuits in the beginning. My problem was, quite frequently, I’d talk myself out of something before I really explored it to even decide with confidence if it really was for me or not.

Allow yourself to just go with an idea without judgement. Reserve your criticism for later when you have enough information to make a informed decision on if it is for you. Although, be aware that there are times when you can intuit your interest and desire based off of how it makes you feel early on, just don’t be so quick to pivor away because sometimes it’s just the learning curve of trying something new, and when you power through the initial discomfirt you find that you DO like whatever it is.

Bottom line: don’t feel as if you need to rush. With some exploring and experimentation you’ll find something that really resonates with you. For me that was writing and it’s been incredibly refreshing.

Good luck, comrade ;)