We were in the same class and I thought she was pretty and started chatting with her and trying to … I don’t know, you know, get to know someone well enough to start a relationship with them. However you do that – I still do not know.

I was also going through a period of severe depression and a period of severe vodka-in-the-morning alcoholism to compensate. I was not at my best. I remember every time I talked to her, and she seemed pleasant enough and friendly enough the whole time. At some point she mentioned she had a boyfriend, ok, cool; so what is the move here? completely stop talking to her? continue talking in a normal way? I attempted the latter, a few weeks later I got an official letter from the school saying she was concerned about “unwanted in-person contact and indirect contact with [me], which she deems to be harassing in nature” and I needed to sign a thing to never talk to her again.

I have a few unresolved points I can’t get over:

  • How am I supposed to continue existing knowing this occurred? I was labelled god-knows-what, I mentally carry it around like a scarlet letter. Is this the intended effect?

  • How am I supposed to enter a healthy relationship at this point? Do I still deserve love? Are you sure?

  • I am sober now, I am going to therapy, and so on, i am no longer a threat to society, etc etc

  • How can someone do something so austere, not even send a simple polite text or even a mean text before going straight to the authorities like an rat?

  • How can I not continually hate myself forever?

  • kernelle@0d.gsEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    Sounds rough, but don’t let that moment define who you are. People are scummy, they will throw someone they don’t know under the bus to save another. Sounds to me like she tried socialising, bit off more than she could chew and found an easy way out. You being an unfortunate bystander.

    I get why it would stick with you for that long, it’s unfair, it’s unjust and a bit exploitative what happened to you. You were 18, still in school, that’s the harsh reality of what happens there. But what happens in school should never define who you are, at that age you barely know who you are.

    1. What happened marked you, played with your trust and self-esteem. All of which will take some time to heal. There will be a moment in your life where you’ll be laughing at that story with your new SO saying what cruel tricks the world plays on us. But that moment will come.

    2. The thing with love is you really don’t know when it’s about to hit you but you can’t try to force love. You can’t go talking to every woman like she’s your next love, but you can make friends, talking to people without any form of attachment or attraction will guarantee lifelong friends, which may turn into romantic relationships. Along the way you’ll find friendships and relationships have a lot in common, and even if you don’t find your soulmate immediately, you’ll have received unconditional love from your friendships. So in short, everyone deserves love, and love will find you if you open yourself up to it, but don’t go actively searching for it.

    3. You fight your battles, and you’ve fought them well, more will come, but you’ve got a sword, shield and armour now so who can touch you?

    4. People can be scummy, when accountability fails people think they can get away with anything. Don’t let a rash decision someone made years ago to save her own ass define your whole life.

    5. People on the internet can’t help you stop hating yourself, but if it’s any comfort, many people hate themselves all the time. But find the support you need, throw yourself into situations you’re not comfortable with, one step at a time you’ll find you can walk up mount Everest.