We were in the same class and I thought she was pretty and started chatting with her and trying to … I don’t know, you know, get to know someone well enough to start a relationship with them. However you do that – I still do not know.

I was also going through a period of severe depression and a period of severe vodka-in-the-morning alcoholism to compensate. I was not at my best. I remember every time I talked to her, and she seemed pleasant enough and friendly enough the whole time. At some point she mentioned she had a boyfriend, ok, cool; so what is the move here? completely stop talking to her? continue talking in a normal way? I attempted the latter, a few weeks later I got an official letter from the school saying she was concerned about “unwanted in-person contact and indirect contact with [me], which she deems to be harassing in nature” and I needed to sign a thing to never talk to her again.

I have a few unresolved points I can’t get over:

  • How am I supposed to continue existing knowing this occurred? I was labelled god-knows-what, I mentally carry it around like a scarlet letter. Is this the intended effect?

  • How am I supposed to enter a healthy relationship at this point? Do I still deserve love? Are you sure?

  • I am sober now, I am going to therapy, and so on, i am no longer a threat to society, etc etc

  • How can someone do something so austere, not even send a simple polite text or even a mean text before going straight to the authorities like an rat?

  • How can I not continually hate myself forever?

  • Redredme@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    Yikes.

    I think it all revolves around your alcohol abuse. Starting the day with wodka is never a good idea. And you being 18 at the time does not make it better.

    Realism should tell you that not your person made her do this but your addiction/alcohol abuse and your depression.

    You probably said some things due to that combination which were awkward or maybe even scary. Or, which is also a thing, your “state” made her anxious and a little bit scared. Quite possibly both. You said strange things and she thought you scarey looking.

    So far so good. I can rationalise that all since im no part of it all.

    Now comes the assholes part: your school, everyone there , were assholes for making you sign that. It was stupid, it was kicking someone when their down. You needed help, not restrictions.

    You needed a talk, no “contract”. Like: Yo, this girl is a little bit scared of you and prefers not to talk to you anymore. She is afraid to tell you this in person so I’m doing my job as a school official. So back off from her and frankly: you need help. Lets talk about that. Etc.

    That’s what shouldve happened.

    That would be brutal but honest and such is life.

    This? This was the easy way out.

    Continue existing? Of course. Living is learning and you learned from this since you’ve sobered up. You’re great for accomplishing that. A lot of people can’t do that!

    Healthy relationship: start with “just” relationships. Find out what interest you and get together with other like minded people. Just be you but always be clean and neat. People tend to stick with the first impression they get of someone. Being, what’s the English word, groomed? Is a big part of that. Healthy will come, just you wait. :)

    No longer a threat: here you go, this is probably what freaked her out. Be honest to yourself. Don’t sugarcoat it. You can’t heal if you’re not real (to yourself).

    How, why: she was scared, plain and simple. She didn’t dare to tell you no because she was afraid of what might happen. Account it to “shit happens”, learn from it and move on. Moving on from a crush is hard, yes. But you must. It’s been 6 years. A lot has happened in that time, no?

    Hate yourself : wtf dude? Here you are, changing, sober , in therapy… You matter! You deserve to exist!! There is so much more to experience, some good, some bad. Both are needed for a balanced life and worldview.

    Some days will be bad, some days will be good. Most days are in between :). Every experience is worthwhile. Every moment only happens once. Be there to experience it, however banal it is. Life is such a short stint in eternity. It’s a strange, rare gift in this universe and because of that worthy of experiencing. Because there comes a moment you won’t.

    Its like they say in GoT: what do we say to the god of death? not today.