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UK and the lollipops were Swizzels Fruity Pops. Can’t remember how many of them there were but I’d say about 50 in a large container.

The “moderator”'s. The best way I can describe it is like a conscience except a really harsh one, and it’s like the arbiter of truth but that truth can change very rapidly. Sometimes I’m a bad person, then I’m good, then bad. It’s like being given a list of truths and instructions but each one has two sentences overlaid on top of each other and both sentences say the opposite things.

I feel the same way. This isn’t normal?

I’ve just started therapy today, I had an intro session earlier. I’ll try and bring this up but like I said in the other comment, I have this “internal moderator” for lack of a better word, and there are things that are “allowed” and “not allowed”.

I have this kind of internal “moderator” for lack of a better word, and basically I’m not “allowed” to have a real partner, because I don’t deserve one.

It’s not depression it’s more like… “am I a good or a bad person” “I’m bad” “okay maybe I’m good” “no, I’m bad” “am I mature enough to handle this I’m immature” “no I’m mature” “no I’m immature I can’t handle a relationship” “I’m lonely I need someone” “no I don’t need someone, I don’t deserve someone” “everyone’s better than me” stuff like that in rapid succession, constantly alternating as an inner voice kind of thing

It’s referring to plain adenosine. When adenosine builds up in the brain, the only way for the brain to get rid of the accumulation of it is by sleeping because it activates the glymphatic system, where CSF is used to flush out the waste/byproducts. If you don’t sleep, the adenosine continues to accumulate in the brain with nowhere to go.