• mm_maybe@sh.itjust.works
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    17 hours ago

    I think having anyone tell you to smile more in any situation that isn’t a posed photo is creepy because it’s invalidating your emotional state, or telling you to stop feeling your feelings and replace them with how the other person wants you to feel… the most fucked-up instance of this that’s happened to me was when a female therapist suggested “smiling more” as a prescription for depression.

    All that aside, I have actually been catcalled on the street by women, and since it doesn’t happen to me all the time I just found it funny. I have also been complimented in the office on my appearance by a female supervisor and it felt creepy, but had much worse sexual harassment from a male boss who apparently wasn’t even gay, just doing it to mess with me.

      • ThePyroPython@lemmy.world
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        1 hour ago

        This here ^ is the full context.

        Before doing bar-back work getting a hit on by a woman who I didn’t find attractive was still a nice confidence boost because it only happened rarely.

        But doing bar-back work clearing away glasses from tables and wiping them down I got hit on so much by drunken women in bachelorette party after bachelorette party that it became really uncomfortable. Then came the inappropriate touching. That was not fun.

        Before that job I had heard what women experience on a night out and had only seen it from a 3rd person perspective. But after that job I understand better what women are having to put up with regularly.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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      17 hours ago

      A gay guy once told me my glasses were cute.

      Im married to a woman. But in that moment, I considered my new life as his man wife.

  • Katrisia@lemm.ee
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    19 hours ago

    That’s the experience for some neurodivergent or somehow naïve women the first time. I was one of them (I thought older men were being kind with my teenage self). Then you start getting the same comment again and again: it often feels insincere. You start suspecting and learning about all the ways [mostly] men can be manipulating or even dangerous in the streets. It starts becoming bittersweet; you learn to ignore it just in case it’s the people with bad intentions. You know that, if someone really wants to tell you that you’re pretty or something, they will make an effort to make you feel safer too. And then, you are in your twenties and those men don’t talk to you nearly as often, and it’s a relief. As a heterosexual/bisexual woman, you hope that the rest of men can see you as more than a pretty body: a human with dreams, hobbies sense of humor, intelligence, whatever. Sometimes it’s scary to know that many men don’t, but many others do, so… yeah, my leftism hopes it gets better, as with many other social issues.

    That’s my experience.

      • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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        17 hours ago

        This is the fear, isn’t it? At work, I have a project manager who privately told me one of my juniors asked her out, because she requested a private meeting with him to go over a project that he’s assigned to.

        I did not expect my job to be having to explain to nerds that a woman talking to you directly isn’t an invitation.

  • Bonje@lemmy.world
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    21 hours ago

    I still remember the compliment i got about my eyebrows back in high school. I got super flustered and ran out of the class. I have a love/cringe relationship with that moment.

  • masquenox@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    A woman once told me that. Oh boy, did that stick with me for a long time.

    A girl also told me I have nice eyes during high school. That was literally one of the bitterly few highlights of high school for me.

    • redisdead@lemmy.world
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      20 hours ago

      I wore a colorful shirt at school and a random girl told me she liked it. I wore colorful shirts every day at school for 2 whole years.

  • LANIK2000@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    The disconnect between women and men is sad. Women say soo many things with the best of intentions, that just end up cutting way too deep and vice versa.

    • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 day ago

      Tbh she’s probably right, I have resting bitch face at best or maybe smol depression at worst lol, it would probably help me develop new interpersonal relationships now that all my friends are dead (mostly OD) or moved (because they didn’t want to OD.)

      REAL FUN being the only person you know who avoided heroin/fent!

  • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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    1 day ago

    It was pretty funny when women thought “how would you feel if” would work in this case. They clearly didn’t know how starved of positive attention men are.

      • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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        20 hours ago

        you look cute

        Definitely a compliment

        you should smile more

        Dunno what the intention was, I read it as “you look cute when you smile” but could be “you would look (even) cuter if you smiled”. If it’s either of those, that’s going to my compliment book.

        And yes, men are famine level starved of positive attention. So this “creepy demand” (demand??) defintely would count for me.

        • Shardikprime@lemmy.world
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          18 hours ago

          Last week people in Lemmy were arguing that someone knocking on your doorstep was akin to being a hostage, so yeah, they would clearly think of that as “demand”

          • yeather@lemmy.ca
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            15 hours ago

            Lemmy is full of the lowest common denominator spurred on by trolls. Nothing the collective said should ever be taken as serious without your own further research off platform.

    • Sauerkraut@discuss.tchncs.de
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      1 day ago

      Yeah, no one has ever told me that I had a beautiful smile and that I should smile more… I never get compliments and very rarely get any appreciation. I helped a friend of a friend fix electrical issues saving him thousands that he didn’t have? Just a generic “thanks.” The guy offered to feed me because his wife was getting chinese but his wife didn’t get me any and they just ate their food while I worked.

  • paddirn@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    A lady told me I have nice eyes once. That was 20+ years ago and I’ve never forgotten that shit.