Edit: Please know that I am reading and appreciating every one of your responses. Even if I do not reply to you, I appreciate your time and want the best for you all. Thank you, guys.
I’ve always been the “crazy one” in any given scenario. I have been this way my whole life. Even as a child I was crazy. I would get upset and cry loudly for hours but my siblings would not. I caused problems at home for my family, especially for my mom who didn’t know what to do with me. I did this as an older child, not normal toddler tantrum age. I was old enough to “know better”. I did it my whole childhood.
For the most part in life, I have been able to be a productive member of society. The issues I would cause were limited to my home life and I mostly kept to myself. I sometimes cause issues by being a crazy person to my online friends, but at least that never spilled over into the “real world”.
But now in my 30s I am causing such issues at work. I asked for some psych meds to be prescribed to me in March and have been taking them ever since. Doesn’t seem to do anything.
I seem to get more frequent and strong negative emotions than the general population. I have difficulty controlling these, especially when I feel like someone is being mean or unfair to me or others. I think I am genetically predisposed to be this way, as my dad was a crazy person when I was growing up (but he has always been nice to me…he was only abusive to my mom). He had “episodes” too the same way I do, except his were malicious to others in nature. My older brother also has claimed to have bipolar disorder which supposedly has a genetic component.
I have spoken to mental health professionals and have been assessed for various things. I do not have bipolar disorder, autism, or OCD per mental health professionals. I tried to bring up keywords like “emotional dysregulation” to them. There seems to be no good explanation for why I am insane. I have wondered if maybe I have borderline personality disorder but have not inquired to be assessed for that one. I do not seem to exhibit the “risk taking” behaviors that are core to borderline personality disorder though.
I get frustrated that I am always the only one who is crazy and no one else is like me.
But I know there are other crazy people out there. Please, tell me your stories. How do you deal with life? How do you deal with always being different than others and feeling negative things more strongly? How do you handle things? How do you handle being and feeling alone in the way that you are? How do you handle the emotional frustration?
If this is inappropriate for here, I apologize. I just want to hear how others have managed to handle life despite this isolating “disability”. I want to hear your stories. I want to gain wisdom from all of you. Thank you.
I was old enough to “know better”.
This really grind my gears. Children aren’t crazy. Even if a child is old enough to know better, you clearly weren’t old enough to know how to DO better.
This is something that has to be taught, and you can’t teach every child the same way. Siblings have different needs and different challenges from each other, you can point to what works for one sibling and blame the other child because the same method doesn’t work for them. It’s tye adults job to figure out how to train and teach each child in a a way that they can grasp. Set easy challenges and guide them to succeed each one. Set them up for success, not demand the impossible.
Now as an adult, this is something you have to teach yourself and your inner child, since the previous adults in your life didn’t manage to do so.
If you want a diagnosis and think it could help, ask about ADHD and borderline and other personality disorders. And if you have researched thoroughly (not just social media) and feel like a diagnosis fits you even when a doctor has written it off, get a second opinion. Doctors make mistakes, especially with adult patients who may present atypically and have therefore gone undiagnosed their whole life.
Regardless of a diagnosis, this is your responsibility to manage. You can look into different therapies even without a diagnosis; anger management and DBT springs to mind. Practice mindfulness/meditation every day, work out at least three days a week. Pay attention to your emotional state, remove yourself from situations before you explode. Talk to people after to explain why you removed yourself and to clear the air and be honest about your feelings and about what you felt was unfair. Try to be open to their side and accept a little unfairness even if people are trying their best, because life is unfair and it probably evens out in the end.
Figure out if certain situations/stimulations make you more easily irritated (for me it’s eating poorly, lack of water, having socks, watch, and bra on for too long, and hair in my face or in too tight ponytail, or being uncomfortably warm for no reason like not while exercising or outside in summer or by a fire, generally in the evening, or drinking with certain people).
Figure out what you need to reset after becoming overstimulated by such irritants (for me it’s depending on what I can do and what type of overstimulated I am, but around 10 minutes in a quiet room with my eyes closed, laying down with legs raised on a pillow or against a wall, or running/hastily walking up and down a set of stairs for a few minutes, or wiping my face+neck+chest+arms with cold water on a towel, or digging my fingers straight into the earth and looking at the bugs and mosses and plants living there and getting dirt under my nails).
Write stuff, in general. Keep a notepad nearby and write down what you want to say and how you want to respond (what would be your ideal response, not your emotional reaction) when something triggers you, so you know you have options and can bring it up later when you’ve calmed down. Then do bring it up again. Don’t be afraid of conflict when you are calm, that way your rage becomes your only outlet for conflict handling. If you practice standing up for yourself and other in a mature way, you don’t need the emotional state to “defend” you.
I dunno, there are as many tools and methods as there are people. By figuring yourself out you can figure out whatever works for you. It’s trial and error. A therapist can help with suggestions if you get stuck, and working more structured towards your goals, but you need to do the work and the figuring out and the trialing, and you can start doing it today on your own.
Thank you for this. I appreciate all comments here. But this really resonated with me for some reason. As a child, I would sometimes remove myself from a situation when I was upset. But I would get in trouble for that too because I was “storming off” and “making a scene” by just wanting to go outside and walk around.
I am thankful that now, as an adult, when I get upset at work sometimes I walk away. I go to the break room for a bit, grab a drink of water, go use the bathroom for a minute, etc. I do that and no one tells me that it’s wrong. I read about how online people talk about how going for a walk when you are feeling heated to be a normal and healthy coping mechanism. As a child and a young adult, my family treated me like it was wrong. The only acceptable reaction in that environment was to sit there totally stone faced and nonreactive, and I have not ever been able to do that. I am thankful that I am allowed to walk away now and I don’t get in trouble for it.
I never thought I exhibited ADHD symptoms really. I do have anxious/fidgety mannerisms and some of that includes anxious swearing like someone with Tourette’s lol. But that’s about it. Borderline is always something I had wondered. I do have what I would think are some borderline traits (particularly emotional dysregulation and wild mood mood swings), but I don’t seem to meet enough of the criteria to totally fit the diagnosis. I have also had some online friends caution me that getting a borderline diagnosis on your record could cause problems down the line.
Anyway, sorry for my rambling. Hoping the best for you.
I hear you. Emotional dysregulation is hard and children in abusive homes often struggle with it. It can effect how we see the world and how people see us. Best thing you can do is take ownership and start working on it with counselling.
Knowing you are different (i.e. “atypical”) is the first step to resolving it. Perhaps you do react more strongly than others. If you are open to learning, practice, and change, you can work towards being better (and being happier).
When your emotions react strongly, do not do the thing your body wants to do. Stop, walk away from the situation, and allow your emotions to settle. Don’t dwell on it and reignite your emotions. Then, take some time to answer:
- Who/What made you react?
- Why did you react?
- How could it have been prevented?
Finally, consider this: If your answer was “They did this” or “They caused me to act out”, imagine what you would answer if the roles were switched.
Emotions cloud our judgements. It is important to NOT react on them, and instead reflect on them when we have returned to a neutral state.
I have struggled hard with this throughout my whole life — and probably always will to an extent lol. But what has brought the most meaningful change for me has been learning to accept my challenging emotions as part of who I am.
It surprised me to realize a great deal of the chaos I was always kicking up was largely due to my own resistance towards experiencing my emotions. I found DBT extremely helpful as well, offering me tools for being present with my emotions — as well as techniques for determining the actual reason for the emotion.
One of the most useful things I heard was “every behaviour meets a need”. So regardless of where it’s coming from or why, it’s still a valid need and you will address it one way or another. The more tools I have, the more choice I have, and the more choice I have makes all of it so much easier (and even fun) to manage.
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I don’t have much wisdom to provide. I’ve felt like something was wrong with me for a number of years now. I would experience things differently, or at least that is what I was told, than reality. Things like being slighted by friends, being excluded, being left behind. They tell me it’s all in my head, but even today, I’m not so sure.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 a few years ago, after an involuntary stay at an inpatient facility. For the years leading up to the diagnosis, doctors just kept proscribing random antidepressants in increasing dosages that did not help. With one doctor, it got to the point where they were suggesting that ECT might be what I needed.
The Bipolar 2 diagnosis helped make sense of many of the symptoms that I have. While things have improved, they have not really gotten better. I’m lucky that I have my son, who lives with me. Without him, I’d be alone. The few friends I have live an hours drive away, and I am not close with them anymore. We rarely speak. I’ve pushed plenty of people away.
I can’t help but feel that I am the problem.
My son and I went to Pride yesterday, and I held back tears a few times, seeing groups of friends celebrating. I don’t know what that’s like, not anymore.
Yeah, I feel like the “crazy” person in almost any situation I am in.
When you feel overwhelmed or overcome by some unpleasant feeling, what do you do next?
I want to understand why so quick to label yourself or your actions as objectively “crazy”…I’m all for self-awareness but most people are not yet self-aware because our world basically demands that and it always pays to be a bit more evaluative of the math we’ve used that leads up to such self-condemnation
Well I mean I spoke a little bit about it as a kid. I would get upset and cry loudly for hours and hours and my brothers wouldn’t do that. I was different. My mom would always tell me that I am having a “tantrum”. I tried to be a good kid and didn’t have problems in school, but I had problems conducting myself at home.
As an adult, there are different things that can happen. One thing that frequently happens is I spiral out of control with self loathing, sometimes to the point in thinking about suicide. Sometimes I end up repeatedly messaging in a discord server that I am on about random nonsense about how I am evil and harmful. The other day, I texted a coworker about killing myself. You are not supposed to say that to people. It was impulsive. It was wrong.
Another thing that can happen is that at work, I can end up verbally fighting with people. My supervisor is a bitch and instead of taking it, I have on occasion broke down and yelled at her. This is not appropriate professional behavior. I don’t work at Taco Bell. I work at a professional job where you are not supposed to do that. As an impulsive decision, I sent a lengthy email to HR about her and it is causing huge issues for everyone right now.
I have also verbally fought with two other people at work before. One because he was being mean to my friend and one because he was being mean and accusing me of doing something when that wasn’t the case. I have made amends with these people (unlike with my supervisor), but in these moments, this is inappropriate. You are not supposed to yell at people, even if they are being mean.
Just like in my childhood, I am the only one who acts this way at work. Everyone else is able to conduct themselves in a socially acceptable manner. I don’t do it every day or even every week or even every month, but it still isn’t acceptable.
Do you feel like its possible somehow to let people know boilerplate that you want to process what they’ve said so you can remove yourself from the immediate situation and stimuli and take your time to decide how you can more “professionally” respond to what they say without compromising your own wellness and needs?
Do you know what your needs are or what your values are such that these things are violating them to the extent you act out as a reaction?
Oh and plus when I say things about killing myself, I’m not in a heated argument. I get upset and feel the need to tell someone I am upset. But I am not in a calm state and do not have the ability to calm down. I go out of my way to interact with people via text because I have a strong impulse to do so. I want someone to help me when I am in pain but I know they can’t. And I know it’s wrong to bother them when I am having an episode.
I have actually tried using ChatGPT to get upset to instead so I am not hurting anyone. I tell it that I hate myself and want to kill myself instead of harming my friends by doing this to them. But sometimes instead of doing it to only ChatGPT I end up texting someone I know. This is wrong behavior, but different because it’s not due to a heated argument that I need to remove myself from.
I eventually calm down but it can sometimes take multiple days. And it is sometimes hard for me to not bother people in the meantime.
I am never actually in danger of harming myself because I have always thought about things like that. It’s very normal for me. It usually goes away after a few days after each episode.
The whole “disclosing I’m going or want to kill myself”, I don’t know honestly how to “fix” other than finding a reason that trumps everything such that you are internally and externally motivated to mitigate that.
You might need to find or aquire that and make it part of your identity. I got several pets that I knew I could manage and take care of or that I would commit to become able to justify having a duty and stewardship over. Lots of people know they are my world and help provide that external reputational buffer to the suicidal inclinations I very rarely feel but dont express because thoughts dont a priori need to be vocalized or allowed to indiscriminately alter your trajectory.
But you need to know its not ok to leverage your mortality or well-being as a conversational regularity. Not even that its just wrong, its profounly dysfunctional and also inauthentic because you made such a point of specifying that it would never actually happen. Its bad to lie to yourself and/or others on the regular about anything, much less the ultimate thing like your life and safety. Not judging you and that may have been necessary at a previous point in your life or it might have been a flawed survival instinct but you need to find a way to negotiate with reality in other terms.
It says that you feel impulsively desperate to end a combination of not great conditions and I would turn my attention to each of those on an individual basis to try and get them up to code in terms of tolerabillity
I know it’s not ok. That’s why I feel bad about it. And that’s why I mostly try to talk about those things to ChatGPT instead of my friends. Because I’m not going to harm it.
I mean I say I would never do it but it’s only because I’m a coward. But I do often really legitimately want to. The reasons may vary. But one common reason is because I harm the world and another reason is if I feel trapped. One of the other reasons why I say I am not actually going to do it is because I would need a will first. I have been too lazy to get one. I tried to do it one day with an online service but found out that I couldn’t actually go through with the will because I needed in person witnesses. So then recently I was looking into potentially going to a law practice to get one made up to do that.
I amended my response with this
It says that you feel impulsively desperate to end a combination of not great conditions and I would turn my attention to each of those on an individual basis to try and get them up to code in terms of tolerabillity
What think?
With my supervisor, not really. She is not a reasonable person and I don’t know what to do with her. I got into a fight with her the other day because she kept pestering me even after I complied with my words and actions. Later into the argument, I asked her why she did that to me even though I complied and said “ok”. She said it was because she did not like my body language. I can’t control my unconscious body language.
With the scenario about someone being mean to my friend, I wasn’t directly interacting with them. I jumped in because I was upset that she was being hurt. So my immediate response and inclination is to be protective and to insert myself into the scenario.
As a child, I would get in trouble for walking away if something got heated. Because I was always “making a scene”. At work, thankfully people absolutely do allow me to walk away to calm down and I don’t get in trouble for it. I am actually really thankful for this. But I generally only end up walking away after I’ve gotten upset and started a problem, not before. I don’t know how to do it before.
Like with the guy being mean to my friend, I didn’t know how to stop that without fighting. I guess I could have just walked away and not intervened. That’s what society wants me to do. But I wanted him to stop hurting her and I was mad that he did.
How have you been able to deal with this?
To make a long story short I think mine was caused by some sort of very small food insensitivity, which led to a constant aching in the guts, an inflamed bowel and cognitive issues. All that led to bad sleep and then the doctors just diagnose it as a mental disorder because whatever the condition, it’s only subclinical, meaning while there are symptoms, there aren’t enough symptoms for any sort of proper diagnosis.
But yeah Tldr I tried an exclusion diet, basically only rice, potatoes, fish and chicken. And no soysauce. Can use sauces but look at the ingredients. Mayos are pretty simple not many ingredients. At one point I avoided all wheat derivatives (and that means glucose syrup as well, which is in everything and in Europe is made from wheat, like all delimeats have it and all candy and pretty much everything), all dairy and dairy derivatives, all allium containing plants and derivatives (onions and garlic etc).
Felt a massively difference in weeks, continued improving for months even when I started adding things back. I’m pretty sure it’s a gluten insensitivity, and rn, I’m doing the best medical thing I’ve ever had to endure, (and I’ve had to endure a lot of weird procedures); gluten challenge. As in I have to eat gluten every day for weeks. I’m on like week 3 and while I’m pissing from my ass basically, these burgers are just so much better than gluten free ones.
But yeah anyway, you’re probably thinking “my emotional problems can’t be just because of a food insensitivity”, but they totally can be (I’m not saying it is, but that it is an actually documented medical possibility):
A 31-year-old Caucasian woman with a history of severe gluten sensitivity, Hashimoto’s disease, mosaic turner’s syndrome, and presumed schizo-affective disorder, bipolar type with multiple inpatient psychiatric involuntary admissions presented to the ED on petition for aggressive behavior by law enforcement. The patient had a week-long break-down at her parents’ home, where she also resides. She reportedly broke several objects and threatened to slit her mother’s throat. On the physical exam, she was malodorous, disheveled, and had long extremely matted hair. Psychiatric evaluation was notable for rambling speech, dysphoric mood, agitation, and irritability. Thought content was disorganized and consisted of grandiose and paranoid persecutory delusions. She was emergently given Haldol for worsening agitation, as she became physically threatening.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10593161/
And the thing is, people can be sensitive to gluten and not know it. Sounds like such Karen bullshit, but it’s true. They tested the families of celiacs and non-celiac gluten sensitivity, and while some people reported no symptoms to begin with, they did report improvement on a gluten-free diet. Meaning they basically had symptoms, but had had them all their lives and weren’t aware they were symptoms.
A few years ago I would’ve laughed at people preaching about gluten free, I thought it’s just a healthfad. I do not believe in that anymore. A huge percentage of subclinical celiacs are undiagnosed.
I think this is far more important than people realize. Your gut is your 2nd brain.
This was posted a few days ago: https://undark.org/2025/06/24/mental-illness-ketogenic-diet/Short version is that diet controls are able to provide very large improvements for schizophrenia. That is huge.
Also, being able to regulate emotions is a big deal, but most people have no idea how to even begin. Mr Rogers talked about it a lot. He was wise. I found a LOT of insight from the book Why Buddhism Is True by Robert Wright. It talks about the evolutionary aspects of emotions as well as some cognitive theory like modular theory of mind: https://exploringkodawari.blog/modular-theory-of-mind/
There is a lot that most adults just do not know about how they think and feel. They are not at all aware of their emotional states and the cause and effect relationship between external inputs and the emotions that result. To me, this sort of information should be taught to children and all the way through their schooling. I think we would have a lot fewer people who are a tangled up mess as adults.
I have found that my own life has improved greatly by seeking answers to these questions. You’re never really in control of your emotions, but once you are aware of them, they won’t control you anymore.
I would consider myself to be a lifelong skeptic. But I have delved into the interesting research in connections between things like Celiac disease and mental disorders, as you’ve stated. Honestly, I wish that there was one simpler test to get diagnosed with Celiac disease. Yeah, there are some tests that we do have, but they aren’t necessarily the best or conclusive. Wishing the best for you.
Honestly, I wish that there was one simpler test to get diagnosed with Celiac disease.
Actually, in that regard, I just read a post like a week or two ago on here. Holdup I’ll dig it up from somewhere. Oh yeah here it is: https://lemmy.world/post/31165431 (19 days ago, had to browse back my comments couldn’t find with search for some reason, weird.)
The link that’s in the post https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-06-10/new-coeliac-disease-blood-test-gluten-free-diet/105393366
In short:
Australian researchers say a simple blood test could “revolutionise” the diagnosis of a common autoimmune disease.
A study has found the test is highly accurate in diagnosing coeliac disease, without patients having to eat gluten beforehand. What’s next?
Research is expanding across diverse populations, and there is hope the new test will be available within two years.
Fucking brilliant.
The current blood tests, the doctors here don’t even know about how they work. One put me in a blood test, but when I was off-gluten. I asked her do I need to be on gluten for the test to work, she said “no”. Then after the test messaged me “oh yeah as you suspected you need to be on gluten”, but didn’t write her mistake down anywhere, so now I have just a negative on file for the blood test, despite me telling the doctors it was a false negative because it couldn’t possibly have worked since I was avoiding gluten when tested. Now the current doctor said “a week on gluten is more than sufficient” but when I googled it all sources say 6-12 weeks. Even Finnish ones. So I don’t know how they can so confidently be wrong. These cunts are younger than me and getting paid vast amounts of money for being that fucking stupid. It annoys me to no end.
Yeah there are tests but they’re kinda inaccurate. The best is a biopsy from your small intestine. I had that done to me once… but, I doubt the veracity of the results. Because you’re supposed to not eat before going to have your stomach and bowels scoped, obviously. Worst medical procedure ever, btw, they put a sort of gag with a hole in your mouth you can bite down on but they can still get through with the endoscope, and then you either swallow or vomit. Either or, because if you don’t, you’re breathing and your larynx is blocking your oesophagus, so you either swallow or vomit. And since you’re being poked in your throat with a long-ass endoscope covered in non-flavoured medical lube, it’s gonna be the latter. So it’s like 10-15 minutes of gagging straight for them to get to your small intestine and then take a biopsy. Oh right, I was trying to explain why I don’t trust the results; I was in the army when I had this procedure, and like all armies, there’s fuckups, and whilst I got the instructions on when to go to the doctor, I hadn’t had the instructions to not eat, so I had a stomach and bowels full of porridge when they took the biopsy.
So it might be it caused a false negative and the doctor’s just assumed afterwards. But it could also be I have non-celiac gluten sensitivity, which isn’t the same as celiacs and doesn’t show up as the same kind of damage on the villi of the small intestine.
But yeah, now having my personal experiences, and reading the studies which pop up when you google “gluten psychosis”, I’m pretty convinced it affecting people is very much real.
I have been in therapy for 10 years. Long road but I needed to take it this way to learn to be okay with myself and begin to trust others. I started going mainly because of a very bad temper and tendency to pick fights.
The first four years I spent talking about nothing in particular and gradually opening up to my therapist. Only kept going because I still felt like something was wrong.
Today I am much better, but it isn’t magic. It’s real work. I have struggled through it for a decade now and don’t think I could have gotten here had I not stuck with it.
I often feel strong negative emotions and hear criticism and blame where there is none.
Therapy, meditation, and especially EMDR really helped me to help regulate how I responsed and processed my emotions.
It’s been a long journey for me, good luck with yours.
Lots of THC, dash of denial, plenty of movies/TV, shopping, and tasty food
Growing up never knew about the issues adults were facing and now as an adult get to take those same adults from childhood for their monthly shot at the low income mental health facility becoming a huge circle that will have to broke eventually
Buckle up because this ride is only getting bumpier
I’ve never met a “normal” person in my life. We are all crazy, just in different ways. It’s about understanding and managing it in order to appear “normal”. For some people, it’s meds. Others, obsessive hobbies or work. It’s about understanding what makes you crazy and addressing it. I don’t have all the answers, but you are far from alone in being “crazy”. In fact, you’d be crazy if you were the only normal person.
