My partner and I are like this. We’ve been together for 14 years and are legit best friends.
I have a feeling too many people paired off right away and decided their first serious relationship was the one, and never actually found an equal. Maybe they married more out of fear of being alone rather than actual desire, or they just can’t tell the difference between sexual novelty and love.
Even a lot of my married friends start identifying more with boomer humor than romance after 2 or 3 years. Way too many communication issue, or ideas of traditional roles or how things ‘should be’ leading to resentment or exasperation.
Court long and marry late. And don’t hide your real self when dating.
I’m sorry, but you suck…
hard…
at being…
a sad, sad satellite. 🛰️I’m glad for you :)
I dunno. Dating long can bring its own gigantic bag of issues. You will have to build every relationship from the start. If you have a bag of expectations, fears, maybe even hard trauma that you project onto the relationship early on, it will make it more difficult to build the relationship.
“Oh my god he is not answering the phone. He is probably cheating on me right now how ex#3 did.”
“She said she loves me after only week three of us having a thing. This is just like crazy ex#5.”
“He didn’t say he loves me after its been four weeks already. He is probably only affectionate now but will turn cold and distant like ex#4.”
But those are all personality traits you need to discover and address before you’re married. If you’re the one bringing those concerns, you need to get yourself in check before jumping into long term relationships.
I kid, I kid - very sweet and adorable.
I wish I will one day have a partner that makes me feel this.
And here I am, divorced and never marrying again, lucky to be dating the same girl for eight years. And then there’s that one day every few years where she runs out of her meds and begins believing I’m plotting against her when I ask how her mom is doing that I think, “I’m super glad I didn’t get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days.”
That’s love. Staying with someone, not because you’re married and a divorce is a huge legal hassle, but because they haven’t freaked all the way the fuck out yet.
PS, make friends with your pharmacist, fellow BPSOs. Make sure they keep those mood stabilizers and antipsychotic in stock.
“I’m super glad I didn’t get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days.”
I’m glad you didn’t get remarried too.
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Walking away after a few days is extremely quick for a long term relationship. If they had said anything longer, like a few weeks, or even just said that they like having the option to just walk away without going through another divorce if the person isn’t able to get back on track I wouldn’t have commented.
I can’t speak for them but having been in similar situations in a long term relationship I’m sure they didn’t mean a few days literally. Especially knowing it’s due to an issue with medication, that takes time to sort itself out. A few days in terms of getting back on track could be anywhere from a week to a month or two depending on safety concerns and severity of symptoms. I could be totally wrong too, that’s just my unsolicited opinion on the matter haha
Yep. They were probably joking, or at the least exaggerating, but it reminds me of how a large percentage of men would leave their partner going through a medical crisis. Not all medical crisises are physical, yo.
FWIW, I never thought I’d remarry either.
It could happen if you meet the right person and want to share your life with them. Took us close to 8 years of dating before we got married.
Super small wedding, total of 7 people invited. I kept waiting for the “other shoe to drop” with her, but it never did, and then I realized she’s the real deal, and I could commit with her without some dark side of her personality showing up or her getting run off to the hills with my issues.
Anyhow, maybe it doesn’t work for you, and it sounds like maybe not with your current GF with the mental health issues.
Wishing you guys all the best regardless, just wanted to let you know I was pretty much in the same camp until a couple years ago after my previous marriage ended almost 15 years ago.
Thx for the reply. 🩵
I’m not judging you, but don’t leave her for her medical issues.
Cute. I don’t believe any part of this, but it’s cute.
yeah hard to imagine that, my gf finds me less attractive than a bag of potatoes. she’s nice to me, but she does not look at me, and pigs fly more often than she touches me.
I am an irascible fool. I’ve spent the majority of the last decade in various stages of depression. I’m overweight, often disheveled, long winded, and ramble about deeply irrelevant technology topics, or unsolvable and depressing political issues. I’m kind of a miser, I never think about fun, and I don’t generally like people. I’m opinionated, judgmental, and quick to speak my mind.
My wife is so beautiful that last week while walking the dogs, some guy circled the block to rev up his engine and take off in front of her while him and his passenger stared at her, engine roaring, running a stop sign in the process and coming within a foot or two of clipping another vehicle that did not have a stop sign. Yesterday, some teenager on a moped nearly fell off trying to awkwardly spin around a roundabout so he could “sneak” another glance at her. Early on in our relationship, we went to a professional networking event, and a man who was supposed to be an HR rep waited for her to go to the restroom so he could tell me how beautiful she was. Three years ago, a friend of a friend asked us for a threesome at a party, and her words to my wife were “I just want to please you and serve you.” She didn’t even look at me. (We didn’t go for it. She smokes.)
My wife is so annoying.
Last week I was trying to get dressed for work and she bum-rushed me for a hug while I was trying to button my pants. And my dumb ass got annoyed about it. She routinely tells me she thinks I’m beautiful, and very charming. She will sometimes just lean around a corner to look at me and squeal. She literally just walked into my office to rub my chest and tell me I’m a babe (like 30 seconds ago). She tells me at least once a week that she gets butterflies around me. She’s giddy and giggly to see me. She’ll text me to tell me she misses me when I’m out of the house for more than 30 minutes. She writes me love letters. (I write her love letters too, I’m not that awful.) She takes pictures of me all the time. There’s a whole album of photos of me that I sometimes just catch her looking at. If I send her a voice memo, she saves it so she can listen to my voice later.
My wife is the best.Some people just love their partners in expressive and visceral ways, even if their partners are just Monument, a weird and flawed human. But I do my best, and I won’t ever quit.
Cute. I don’t believe any part of this, but it’s cute.
lol
Aww this is so cute, in a sort of weird way lol
I don’t get it either. We met in a group chat in 2016, and that lady was like “I choose him, that man that’s like 10 years older than me and a total weirdo and is probably going through some sort of mental health crisis.” She then flirted with me (while I tried to avoid her, because I fucking knew this would happen!) until I relented and sent her pictures of my butt, and then she sold her house and moved across the country to bother me forever. (Some details omitted.)
The real story is… actually that, just less dramatized. We met via a chatroom attached to a subreddit, some folks in that chat formed their own group and we both joined it. Rather - it was formed around her. She was in the process of ending her marriage. We all gave her advice and care, while also being perverts and weirdos that flirted with one another. Several months after her divorce was final, I noticed she started talking to me a lot more, and was sending me DM’s instead of the main chat. Heck, she once asked me if she was attractive, and I remember telling her that any man would think she was - not wanting to tell her she was achingly beautiful. A member of the group had begun to overstep and get creepy. He actually chased off someone pretty cool because he was sort of obsessed with her. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ but I also had my own thing going. I was dating a woman in a poly situation, and she was married (all on the level, all parties fully informed and consenting). I enjoyed dating around and generally being a deviant. I had previously had long distance relationships, and I knew they were horrible and hard and awful.
One day, after weeks of flirting back and forth, my wife asked what I was up to, and I told her I had just gotten done taking butt photos for a woman that I used to take butt photos for. (A nonsexual thing, she just liked my butt.) And my wife said I should send her some next time. So I did, and she reciprocated, and I sent more photos, and she sent more photos, and then we had phone calls, then video chats, the thing that made me fall in love with her happened*, and then we had an in-person visit, followed by several more during the most happy and heartbreaking year of my life while I found a better paying job to get a bigger apartment before she moved to live with me. It took a while. We moved in together on our first anniversary.*She recorded a video of herself singing me happy birthday. It’s probably the most backed up file I own.
Thanks dude, I’m glad you found each other.
Like Abe Lincoln always said, take anything you see written online with a grain of salt and, until you see conclusive evidence otherwise, assume it’s a creative writing exercise.
Isn’t it just reworded “there are no girls on the internet” rule?
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Eh to be fair, that rule is from a time where real girls on the Internet were a lot less common (though obviously they existed) and people still fell for the beautiful Spanish girl scam. And bought “girls” stuff on MMORPGs. And so on.
Yeah, it gives big “Where are the females like this?” energy, I can definitely see it being written by a lonely chauvinist dirtball. I hope not because it is cute, but the Internet is the Internet, so…
It’s…weird to me that not only is this not true for you guys or anyone you know, but you have a hard time imagining it could be true.
Emotional relationship vary wildly, and I repeat wildly across different cultures worldwide.
That’s true.
Every single long term relationship I’ve ever been witness to has been defined by either eventual resentment between partners, or a pervasive sense of apathy between them. The people I’ve seen who really “make it last” aren’t affectionate towards one another after being together for decades: they’re codependent. One person supports another person’s narcissism and the other person facilitates their partner’s alcoholism. That sort of thing.
On a more fundamental level, I’m not sure I even believe that the concept of lifelong partners or lifelong marriage is natural for human beings. Being a part of a community, sure, but being emotionally attached to the same person in the same way forever? Not really. I think it’s in our nature to constantly grow, and that typically means growing apart. In fact, that might be a lot healthier for people than the alternative.
We’re planning our 30th anniversary party. We still flirt and are both best friends and lovers and don’t pass each other in a room without a caress or joke. I’m not bragging so much as to say it happens. Sometimes people keep the remnants of their initial crush and combine it with respect and lust for a whole lifetime. The Pheromones are very strong.
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Right. That’s why I didn’t say “it’s impossible for things to be this way,” but instead said “this is what I’ve seen.” It’s possible that I’ve just happened to see the worst of long term relationships by virtue of bad luck or environment. I don’t discount that possibility and I’m not saying that my limited experience of the world represents the sum total of all human potential.
I have this with a woman I’m not married to that I have known since highschool. She lives with her parents and had a kid from a previous marriage. I’m polyamorous and married but our relationship has since drifted into sexual friendship our other partner lives with us and we all cuddle and love eachother very much, but everytime my phone buzzes I screatly hope is another one of her art pieces as my heart flutters. When I visit her I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s so beautiful she’s almost alien. Anyways this is very well rooted emotionally and very reliable.
I love being near my husband. He’s warm and soft and smart and likes talking to me about random fun things we both enjoy (video games, movies, YouTube videos)
Awh… So happy for u guys 🥲
That’s why I can’t imagine being friends with someone before entering a relationship with them. People who look for romance right off the bat are setting themselves up for failure.
For me at least, I’ve never started being attracted to a person more than a minute after I’ve first met them.
I think you a whole word there.
Though I think you can have romance at the start and friendship together personally.
Exactly how I feel about my wife.
Right there with ya bud
I feel the same about his wife too!
Will you steal his waifu?
I also feel the same about this guys wife.
Let’s not go here. We are not them
Speak for yourself
Let’s not go there. We are not me.
Yeah! Let’s go there without them.
Stop that right now! We can’t have that starting up again!
This whole comment chain is becoming way too silly!
I could not agree more about my wife! She is totally awesome and I really love spending time with her. We are constantly goofing arround. I had a crush on her since we have been 14 and started dating. Now 10 years together we are married and got our first kid. I could not be happier.
She is just changing diapers right now and I am thinking how lucky I am to have her.
I also believe actively trying to have positive/wholesome view on a world helps a lot.
This is why I really like this community.
Awwww thank you so much for sharing this! Just made my day (well, technically night) a lot better!
I can’t even begin to imagine being able to marry someone u crushed on SINCE U WERE 14, while them being so nice! So happy for ya!
She is just changing diapers right now
Oof, that’s one thing I’m a little scared of dealing with when I become a dad lol
Thank you!
Also changing diapers is not hard at all. You get used to it after second change. It becomes boring task you do not think about - like going to the toilet yourself.
Oh, interesting (and also a little relieving hehe)
One of my 3 wishes from the lamp.
This warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart.
oh the dread of something evolving into something else
This post and thread gives me (back) so much hope. I always hoped for something like described here. But I never came anywhere close and so I have lost the hope over time. I was thinking in the direction of “I just want someone to share my life with. It will work out to be ok somehow.” But some recent events and post like this give me back the hope to find a the person I really want to share time with. It also brings me the motivation to work on myself, so to be more like I would like to be. Thanks you all.
I hope you find your person.
