I kid, I kid - very sweet and adorable.
That’s limerence.
A more stable relationship is when feelings crystalize, but until then, there’s limerence. Two-way limerent relationships are as unstable as a bottle of undiluted nitroglycerin. In any case, limerent relationships are quite common, and are the stuff of music, art, and poetry.
A central feature of limerence for Tennov was the fact that her participants really saw the object of their affection’s personal flaws, but simply overlooked them or found them attractive.[32][28] Tennov calls this “crystallization”, after a description by Stendhal in his 1821 treatise On Love. This “crystallized” version of a love object, with accentuated features, is what Tennov calls a “limerent object”, or “LO”.[33]
For Tennov, sexual desire is an essential aspect of limerence[34] but the desire for emotional commitment is greater.[35] The sexual desires of Tennov’s interviewees were overshadowed by their desire for their beloved to contact them, invite them out and reciprocate their passion.[30]
Limerence can be difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it, and it is thus often derided and dismissed as undesirable, some kind of pathology, ridiculous fantasy or a construct of romantic fiction.[36]
The wiki page you linked is saying kind of the opposite about crystalization then what you are saying.
Both uses are figurative, so we needn’t fret.
Limerence eh? Well ok.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
There was a young man that said “damn”
For it certainly seems that I am
A creature that moves in determinate grooves
I’m not even a bus, I’m a tram
I want you to finish it. No one ever finishes it. I don’t even know the rest of the limerick because no one ever finishes it!
As an actual man from Nantucket (though not that one) lemme fill you in:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
“If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it.”
Omg that’s awful, no wonder people never finish it!
Thank you so much 🙂
There are a metric fuckton of limericks that start with that phrase. A common one is:
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."Really? I never knew because I had never heard anyone ever finish one!
It’s truly dirty.
OH yeah, lmao. They usually are (owing to the rhyme scheme started by “Nantucket”) but not always.
This read just like the stuff that a girl with BPD would write about me haha.
How y’all think that went for me?
Oh and I’ve never heard that word. Thank you.
Edit: You’ve sent me down a rabbit hole.
I’m guessing poorly. I have BPD myself. She loved you up until she hated you.
It was crazy. “I love you! I can’t live without you! I’ll kill myself if you leave!”
Next day I’d find a hickey on her neck and get messages from some dude’s wife telling me her husband was fucking my wife.
“That’s not what happened. When I said, “what happened with us” I was talking about a conversation we had at the bar! His wife is lying! She’s crazy by the way. Everyone knows she lies about everything. That physical evidence isn’t physical evidence. You’re crazy. You made all of this up in your head.”
Just get help bud. Don’t let it fester and ruin your life.
When I finally realized I couldn’t salvage my family, she ended up involuntarily committed. She pulled all of her hair out and dragged us into court lying to everyone.
Good luck. Seriously.
Edit:
Oh yeah, as far as loved until hated, I was god until I wasn’t, then everyone in town was convinced I was a violent rapist and a monster until I was god again. Man. Glad all that is over.
Ty for teaching me such a beautiful word
God lemmy is worse than reddit with people being negative about others happiness. If you are so unhappy you need to spoil other peoples happiness you need to get help.
I agreed with you up to the point where it appeared as if you felt that logophiles are miserable and spread misery. That being said, I appreciate your perspective and I’m sorry sharing what brings me joy has the opposite effect on you.
The guy’s sharing information, it’s all cool
I wish I will one day have a partner that makes me feel this.
This post and thread gives me (back) so much hope. I always hoped for something like described here. But I never came anywhere close and so I have lost the hope over time. I was thinking in the direction of “I just want someone to share my life with. It will work out to be ok somehow.” But some recent events and post like this give me back the hope to find a the person I really want to share time with. It also brings me the motivation to work on myself, so to be more like I would like to be. Thanks you all.
I hope you find your person.
My partner and I are like this. We’ve been together for 14 years and are legit best friends.
I have a feeling too many people paired off right away and decided their first serious relationship was the one, and never actually found an equal. Maybe they married more out of fear of being alone rather than actual desire, or they just can’t tell the difference between sexual novelty and love.
Even a lot of my married friends start identifying more with boomer humor than romance after 2 or 3 years. Way too many communication issue, or ideas of traditional roles or how things ‘should be’ leading to resentment or exasperation.
Court long and marry late. And don’t hide your real self when dating.
I dunno. Dating long can bring its own gigantic bag of issues. You will have to build every relationship from the start. If you have a bag of expectations, fears, maybe even hard trauma that you project onto the relationship early on, it will make it more difficult to build the relationship.
“Oh my god he is not answering the phone. He is probably cheating on me right now how ex#3 did.”
“She said she loves me after only week three of us having a thing. This is just like crazy ex#5.”
“He didn’t say he loves me after its been four weeks already. He is probably only affectionate now but will turn cold and distant like ex#4.”
I’m sorry, but you suck…
hard…
at being…
a sad, sad satellite. 🛰️I’m glad for you :)
This reminds me of that twilight zone episode where the guys buys the love potion for $1 and then the girl he likes becomes his wife and then she is so obsessed with him the he can’t take it so he buys the other potion that makes the effects of the love potion go away, but the guys charges him $1,000 for the anti-love potion.
It’s so easy to fix that situation, you just need to drink the $1 potion too
Five-head move
Lol idk that seems beautiful and whatnot but not very realistic.
He surely doesn’t feel the same about her.
He sounds pretty cool. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone right now, like in a serious way?
Likely his answer: Nope, not seriously. What’s your number?
You ok sis?
She’s actually in a court room and he’s filing a restraining order
And here I am, divorced and never marrying again, lucky to be dating the same girl for eight years. And then there’s that one day every few years where she runs out of her meds and begins believing I’m plotting against her when I ask how her mom is doing that I think, “I’m super glad I didn’t get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days.”
That’s love. Staying with someone, not because you’re married and a divorce is a huge legal hassle, but because they haven’t freaked all the way the fuck out yet.
PS, make friends with your pharmacist, fellow BPSOs. Make sure they keep those mood stabilizers and antipsychotic in stock.
“I’m super glad I didn’t get married again so I can just walk away if this shit lasts more than a few days.”
I’m glad you didn’t get remarried too.
Yep. They were probably joking, or at the least exaggerating, but it reminds me of how a large percentage of men would leave their partner going through a medical crisis. Not all medical crisises are physical, yo.
To be honest, I think it’s pretty natural for this type of thought to pop in anyone’s head. It’s a fuckin lot to care for yourself, let alone another adult person going through mental crisis for an indeterminate amount of time. I should imagine we’d all ponder leaving. The important bit is whether you act on it or not.
Walking away after a few days is extremely quick for a long term relationship. If they had said anything longer, like a few weeks, or even just said that they like having the option to just walk away without going through another divorce if the person isn’t able to get back on track I wouldn’t have commented.
I can’t speak for them but having been in similar situations in a long term relationship I’m sure they didn’t mean a few days literally. Especially knowing it’s due to an issue with medication, that takes time to sort itself out. A few days in terms of getting back on track could be anywhere from a week to a month or two depending on safety concerns and severity of symptoms. I could be totally wrong too, that’s just my unsolicited opinion on the matter haha
FWIW, I never thought I’d remarry either.
It could happen if you meet the right person and want to share your life with them. Took us close to 8 years of dating before we got married.
Super small wedding, total of 7 people invited. I kept waiting for the “other shoe to drop” with her, but it never did, and then I realized she’s the real deal, and I could commit with her without some dark side of her personality showing up or her getting run off to the hills with my issues.
Anyhow, maybe it doesn’t work for you, and it sounds like maybe not with your current GF with the mental health issues.
Wishing you guys all the best regardless, just wanted to let you know I was pretty much in the same camp until a couple years ago after my previous marriage ended almost 15 years ago.
Thx for the reply. 🩵
I’m not judging you, but don’t leave her for her medical issues.
Cute. I don’t believe any part of this, but it’s cute.
I am an irascible fool. I’ve spent the majority of the last decade in various stages of depression. I’m overweight, often disheveled, long winded, and ramble about deeply irrelevant technology topics, or unsolvable and depressing political issues. I’m kind of a miser, I never think about fun, and I don’t generally like people. I’m opinionated, judgmental, and quick to speak my mind.
My wife is so beautiful that last week while walking the dogs, some guy circled the block to rev up his engine and take off in front of her while him and his passenger stared at her, engine roaring, running a stop sign in the process and coming within a foot or two of clipping another vehicle that did not have a stop sign. Yesterday, some teenager on a moped nearly fell off trying to awkwardly spin around a roundabout so he could “sneak” another glance at her. Early on in our relationship, we went to a professional networking event, and a man who was supposed to be an HR rep waited for her to go to the restroom so he could tell me how beautiful she was. Three years ago, a friend of a friend asked us for a threesome at a party, and her words to my wife were “I just want to please you and serve you.” She didn’t even look at me. (We didn’t go for it. She smokes.)
My wife is so annoying.
Last week I was trying to get dressed for work and she bum-rushed me for a hug while I was trying to button my pants. And my dumb ass got annoyed about it. She routinely tells me she thinks I’m beautiful, and very charming. She will sometimes just lean around a corner to look at me and squeal. She literally just walked into my office to rub my chest and tell me I’m a babe (like 30 seconds ago). She tells me at least once a week that she gets butterflies around me. She’s giddy and giggly to see me. She’ll text me to tell me she misses me when I’m out of the house for more than 30 minutes. She writes me love letters. (I write her love letters too, I’m not that awful.) She takes pictures of me all the time. There’s a whole album of photos of me that I sometimes just catch her looking at. If I send her a voice memo, she saves it so she can listen to my voice later.
My wife is the best.Some people just love their partners in expressive and visceral ways, even if their partners are just Monument, a weird and flawed human. But I do my best, and I won’t ever quit.
Aww this is so cute, in a sort of weird way lol
I don’t get it either. We met in a group chat in 2016, and that lady was like “I choose him, that man that’s like 10 years older than me and a total weirdo and is probably going through some sort of mental health crisis.” She then flirted with me (while I tried to avoid her, because I fucking knew this would happen!) until I relented and sent her pictures of my butt, and then she sold her house and moved across the country to bother me forever. (Some details omitted.)
The real story is… actually that, just less dramatized. We met via a chatroom attached to a subreddit, some folks in that chat formed their own group and we both joined it. Rather - it was formed around her. She was in the process of ending her marriage. We all gave her advice and care, while also being perverts and weirdos that flirted with one another. Several months after her divorce was final, I noticed she started talking to me a lot more, and was sending me DM’s instead of the main chat. Heck, she once asked me if she was attractive, and I remember telling her that any man would think she was - not wanting to tell her she was achingly beautiful. A member of the group had begun to overstep and get creepy. He actually chased off someone pretty cool because he was sort of obsessed with her. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ but I also had my own thing going. I was dating a woman in a poly situation, and she was married (all on the level, all parties fully informed and consenting). I enjoyed dating around and generally being a deviant. I had previously had long distance relationships, and I knew they were horrible and hard and awful.
One day, after weeks of flirting back and forth, my wife asked what I was up to, and I told her I had just gotten done taking butt photos for a woman that I used to take butt photos for. (A nonsexual thing, she just liked my butt.) And my wife said I should send her some next time. So I did, and she reciprocated, and I sent more photos, and she sent more photos, and then we had phone calls, then video chats, the thing that made me fall in love with her happened*, and then we had an in-person visit, followed by several more during the most happy and heartbreaking year of my life while I found a better paying job to get a bigger apartment before she moved to live with me. It took a while. We moved in together on our first anniversary.*She recorded a video of herself singing me happy birthday. It’s probably the most backed up file I own.
Thanks dude, I’m glad you found each other.
Cute. I don’t believe any part of this, but it’s cute.
lol
yeah hard to imagine that, my gf finds me less attractive than a bag of potatoes. she’s nice to me, but she does not look at me, and pigs fly more often than she touches me.
Yeah, it gives big “Where are the females like this?” energy, I can definitely see it being written by a lonely chauvinist dirtball. I hope not because it is cute, but the Internet is the Internet, so…
It’s…weird to me that not only is this not true for you guys or anyone you know, but you have a hard time imagining it could be true.
Emotional relationship vary wildly, and I repeat wildly across different cultures worldwide.
That’s true.
Every single long term relationship I’ve ever been witness to has been defined by either eventual resentment between partners, or a pervasive sense of apathy between them. The people I’ve seen who really “make it last” aren’t affectionate towards one another after being together for decades: they’re codependent. One person supports another person’s narcissism and the other person facilitates their partner’s alcoholism. That sort of thing.
On a more fundamental level, I’m not sure I even believe that the concept of lifelong partners or lifelong marriage is natural for human beings. Being a part of a community, sure, but being emotionally attached to the same person in the same way forever? Not really. I think it’s in our nature to constantly grow, and that typically means growing apart. In fact, that might be a lot healthier for people than the alternative.
We’re planning our 30th anniversary party. We still flirt and are both best friends and lovers and don’t pass each other in a room without a caress or joke. I’m not bragging so much as to say it happens. Sometimes people keep the remnants of their initial crush and combine it with respect and lust for a whole lifetime. The Pheromones are very strong.
I think you should ask people who’ve been together for a long time about that. I’ve been with my wife for 13 years and we still tell each other we love the other and find them pretty.
If anything, she facilitates my non-drinking, making me realize how much it harms me.
Maybe I’m a narcissist. I don’t think I am, but, if I were, you wouldn’t trust me to tell you.
Is it the perfect love story you see in the movies? No, and realizing it just can’t be that way might be the reason why we’ve stuck together for so long and didn’t downgrade our relationship to us being simple roommates with a shared past.
Right. That’s why I didn’t say “it’s impossible for things to be this way,” but instead said “this is what I’ve seen.” It’s possible that I’ve just happened to see the worst of long term relationships by virtue of bad luck or environment. I don’t discount that possibility and I’m not saying that my limited experience of the world represents the sum total of all human potential.
Like Abe Lincoln always said, take anything you see written online with a grain of salt and, until you see conclusive evidence otherwise, assume it’s a creative writing exercise.
Isn’t it just reworded “there are no girls on the internet” rule?
Nah, that one is about erasing women from the Internet. This one’s just “don’t be naive”.
Eh to be fair, that rule is from a time where real girls on the Internet were a lot less common (though obviously they existed) and people still fell for the beautiful Spanish girl scam. And bought “girls” stuff on MMORPGs. And so on.
I have this with a woman I’m not married to that I have known since highschool. She lives with her parents and had a kid from a previous marriage. I’m polyamorous and married but our relationship has since drifted into sexual friendship our other partner lives with us and we all cuddle and love eachother very much, but everytime my phone buzzes I screatly hope is another one of her art pieces as my heart flutters. When I visit her I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s so beautiful she’s almost alien. Anyways this is very well rooted emotionally and very reliable.
I love being near my husband. He’s warm and soft and smart and likes talking to me about random fun things we both enjoy (video games, movies, YouTube videos)
Awh… So happy for u guys 🥲
That woman speaks as if she was in a harem with the least chance of being the only one to marry with the protagonist. But yes, I can imagine hoe that probably is adorable. I’d like a wife like that myself.
You want a “hoe” for a wife lmao listen to yourself before you talk mate
I meant to say “how”, not “hoe”. I think you should’ve been able to figure that out by context.
Sometimes people just get along so well it seems magical, and they actually both fall for each other.
This is rare, but it happens, and it’s something to treasure, something people are insanely happy and in love years into their marriages, still trying to believe their luck.
And if you’re looking for the one, you may opt not to look for “hoes” or treating your partner like that.
If I can quote a thing: happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.
Points to anyone who can name the source without using Google.
Bill Gates
Definitely not
Schachtel
Incorrect
Sheryl Crow hehe
Winner!
Upvotes away!!
Dalai Lama
Not this time
Llama’s Deli
Obama
- Michael Scott
““Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.” - Michael Scott” -Ulvain
